Proverbial Onion
by ercarterfan
Summary: Ah Carter and Abby set late in Season 8. Started out as a short story and has taken on new life, and now baby Eryn has joined the ER family. Now up to Chapter 15.
1. Default Chapter

Proverbial Onion

_A/N: This is set between The Letter and Lockdown, no specific date was in mind when I wrote it just sometime between when they got the news and being locked down in the ER. This was also written for the February Challenge on One Can Only Hope. Carter and Abby must meet at an AA meeting, one of them must share, and they go for coffee and pie after the meeting.   
_

The day had been long, longer than Carter had wanted it to be. Nothing had been the same since he had returned from Atlanta, in fact things had gone downhill faster and faster since that fateful trip. It had been 2 years now since they had sent him to rehab. Mark, Kerry, Benton all of them had been worried about him and he could completely understand why. Things had been stressful between him and Abby for some time now. Granted she had broken up with Luka and that was what in a round about way what he had wanted. But they still hadn't managed to get together. There was something between them but it never had gone much further than friends and wishful thinking would get him nowhere fast.

The news that came via the fateful letter from Elizabeth in Hawaii had just made everything else seem so out of place. They had all met up at the Lava Lounge that night; however, Carter had never made it inside. He had been walking outside heading in when he bumped into Abby that night sitting on the loading dock behind the bar. They had decided not to go back inside and he had gone with her. They together, had spent until the wee hours of the morning sitting there talking while she sobered up. They had shared a few laughs sitting there over coffee, talking about Mark and things that had happened in the ER while they had both been there. Yet there was something about seeing her drinking again had torn at him but it wasn't the end of the world considering they had all suffered a severe loss of a friend and a mentor. While Carter didn't condone her drinking, he was not going to ride her for it either. In the end it was a decision that Abby was going to have to make for herself. Carter could only be her friend and not try and fix her or all her problems, she had to do that herself. Just like he had to work through his problems with the support of friends, but the only person who could bring about change was the person who wanted to change.

His shift had been harder than normal. While Mark hadn't work at County for awhile now and Carter was trying desperately to fill his shoes, to be the leader and set the tone, it just wasn't working that way. But then fate didn't always seem to decide to bring in patients that you could not save. Mark had left some pretty big shoes to try and fill and there were times like today when things seem to constantly go downhill that he wondered if those were shoes that he could in all reality fill. He had gathered up his things from the lounge and was going to head home when he decided that maybe tonight it would be in his best interest to attend an NA meeting. It had been awhile since he had last gone and with the way that he was feeling tonight would be as good of time as any to go. But he would rather go now while things were somewhat under control and not have things spiral away from him again. He knew that there would be no second chances that much he new, he could be certain of that. And the last thing that he wanted to do now was to ever let Mark down.

Carter parked his jeep after the short drive and walked up inside. The same familiar surrounds greeted him and of course you had to love the coffee, they always had plenty of coffee at these things. Not that Carter needed anymore caffeine in his system there was plenty of that from work. He found a place to sit and waited for the meeting to start. It was now as things got started that this meeting felt different than any of the other's that he had been to, there was this need to get up tonight and share his story. Now he had been told that in everyone's addiction there came a point in their recovery where they would feel compelled to speak their story to share how far they had come with other and to show that it was possible. Tonight it seemed as if that night had come for Carter.

With shaking hands and a nervous start, he did however manage to do just that. He spoke in front of the group gathered there tonight of how he had gone down the path of self-destruction yet managed with the help of caring friends find his way back. How hard that had been to regain the trust of those who he in a sense had betrayed. He had lied to his friend, his colleagues, his co-workers, to anyone who had asked how he was doing. The answer was always the same that he was doing okay, even thought he wasn't. That night as he finished telling his story for the first time as his eyes went over the crowd he caught a familiar face, the face of the one person who besides Mark had never given up on him. The one who helped him to walk the steps, taken the time to listen to him; Abby had always been an ear when he needed it and someone to lean upon. Knowing that she had been there the night that he had decided to finally share seemed to mean more than he thought that it ever could.

As things wrapped up and people headed outside to leave Carter managed to catch up to Abby.

"Sharing tonight, that's an accomplishment for you." She said seeing him a small hint of a smile was upon her tired face.

"Yeah I know I didn't know you were here, I might not have done it if I had known." He replied back.

"Yean I can usually be found every now and then at one of these." She said, "I might have had a few drinks the other night, okay a few too many but that doesn't mean that I have given up." She said rather quietly, "it just means that I have to start that counting all over again."

"That's a long time to have to restart." He said pushing her hair back from her face standing there next to him.

"No not really." She said with a smile. "Only 7 years, 5 months 28 days and 14 hours."

"Wow you really have been counting."

Abby jabbed at his arm now, "oh come on I am just joking I never kept that good of count. Days, months, years that isn't the important part."

"No it's that first hour which turns into the second hour that is the most important; there are no days, months, years, if you don't have that first minute when you decide that this isn't your life. You make that first minute the next few go by you can concentrate on making it 10, 15, 30, that first hour, turning into two, twelve then 24 and before you know it you have your first day done. All because you found the strength to go to take that first step and walk that first minute," Carter said as he shifted his weight back and forth between his feet.

"And when did you get so smart?" Abby asked her hand resting comfortable on Carter's hand now. It was a little extra bit of connection to share between them.

"Since I started hanging around with you and you're influenced rubbed off a little."

"A little," Abby said sounding a little more than astonished at this sudden flourish of wisdom that Carter was trying to provide. "Why don't you enlighten me a little more and feed me at the same time, I am craving pie again."

"Ah, okay but just for nostalgia." He batted back as he wrapped a single arm around her but it was enough for Carter to have her close to him. Over the past bit of time they hadn't even so much as looked at each other when they were both on and the nurses and the rest of the staff had started to pick up on that. Carter knew, as well as many others are, that there was more to Abby than what Abby let on. That she was like that proverbial onion. Full of layers that when you slowly peeled them away it could make you cry.

As they walked along the waterfront on their way over for coffee and pie, unsure of where they were going but nonetheless seeming to be enjoying the silent company of the other. That was the nice thing about their relationship they didn't have to talk all the time, there was this closeness between them that existed without words. Abby could bring Carter comfort just be being there, and Carter in return could bring Abby comfort with the simple gesture of an arm around her as they walked.


	2. It's Entirely your fault

**It's entirely your fault**

It was amazing where a little bit of coffee some pie and conversation could take you. Carter would have never thought that what they had would go past the friendship stage that was what he had wanted all along; it just never seemed to work out that way. There was always something that jumped out in the way of a relationship of the all elusive happiness that he had been searching for so long to find.

Abby on the other hand, never thought that happiness was something that she deserved to have. There was a dark cloud that always seemed to hang over her. Nothing good was supposed to happen to her; mostly she blamed all of her troubles on her crazy family, specifically her crazy mother. In the house that she grew up in, there were few happy moments and she never witnessed a commitment. She had never seen a relationship work, and wasn't even able to make her own last serious relationship work.

These two people might have been destined for each other from the beginning but the just never seemed to be able to get on the same page. Each had baggage that would sink anything that might open up to them. Her family was mentally messed up; his was messed up because of money. Whoever said those with money have everything that they could ever want in life, really didn't know what they were talking about. Money couldn't buy happiness, it couldn't even guarantee happiness. And John Carter was living proof of that.

The sound of soft rain falling against the window pulled him from the sleep that he had drifted into. Carter had spent the night at Abby's apartment with her wrapped safely in his arms. He watched her sleeping, the gentle rise and fall of her chest with each breathe that she took. John was amazed at how something so simple could be so captivating. How relaxed she looked in her sleep, the soft glow of her skin in the faint light that was provided by the street. You could see the hardness of the life that she had lived written on her face, but it didn't detract from the beauty that he saw in her. Abby had captured his heart and he knew that it would never belong to him again.

Abby stirred a little in her sleep. Not waking up but enough so that she rubbed her head against the chest that she was snuggled up against. The arms holding onto her gave her a feeling of security that she hadn't felt in a long time, and made her not want to wake up just on the off chance that this was some kind of dream.

John pushed a strand of hair that had fallen free when she had rubbed up against him back from her face. He then leaned down and placed a soft kiss against her forehead before he snuggled back into the bed closing his eyes once more. This was the perfect way to start the morning.

"Are you awake?" John heard the softness of the voice coming from the body snuggled against him.

"Only for you," was his simple response to her question.

"Hmm," Abby said in her attempt to snuggle even deeper into the arms that were holding onto her. "Do you have to work today?"

"Not until later." He said running his hand down her bare arm pulling her more into him as if to facilitate her getting as close as she possible could be to him.

"That's good, because I sure don't feel like moving."

John watched her not only now snuggling with him but burying herself even more under the covers, He had to smile for she was being very cute right now, and between being wrapped up in his arms and the blanket you would have thought she was a little Eskimo.

"Are you cold Abby?" He asked making sure that she couldn't be any snugger than she was at that moment in time.

"No anymore." She said letting out a yawn, "I think that I am perfect and finally content."

He softly kissed her head again. "Good I think we need to spend more mornings like this." Carter said as they snuggled their way back to sleep that morning.

_Three months later…._

"Abby come on we are going to be late!" Carter yelled from the kitchen. The response that he got was a jumble of muttering, undecipherable to the male ear. "Come on Abby."

Then there was loud banging, something perhaps falling. He was uncertain from his place in the kitchen as to what those sounds might have been. He debated on if he wanted to go anywhere near her right now or not. She had been very moody the last couple of days and Carter had been fancy footing his way around her so that he wouldn't receive the wrath that she had been dealing out to others. She had been on such a rampage that med students and other interns ran in fear of her.

"Abby is everything okay?" Carter called from what he thought was the safety of the bedroom door.

"Do I sound like I am okay to you?"

Carter took two steps back, thinking that maybe it wasn't in his best interest to be where she could get a hold of him. He wasn't sure what had possessed her over the last week or so but it had to be something on a grand scale.

"Do you think you could maybe come out of hiding in the doorway and give me a hand here?" Her voice was short and there was a hint of anger in it.

Carter was reluctant to do it, but he didn't want her any madder than what she currently was. He moved further into the room heading for where the voice was coming from, "what do you need?"

"A life." She snapped back at him, "would you please give me a hand here, this sh.. stuff just jumped out at me.

The room looked as if a tornado had blown through it. There were clothes all over the place scattered about that were not there when he had gotten up that morning. Abby was half dressed a tee shirt was all that she had on right now. Surrounding her were even more clothes and the dresser was nearly empty and she was stuffing things back in it.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I am doing, I am trying to find something to wear to work, but somehow overnight it seems that nothing wants to fit this morning."

Carter looked at her amazed that someone so small could make such a mess in that short of a time period. He didn't want to say anything for right now she looked very made, on the upset side of the emotional swinging that she had been doing. He didn't know what to say to her sure that no matter what he chose to say would come across wrong. "Here why don't you wear these?"

"Carter where did you find those scrubs?" She asked unsure if they were clean or not.

"On the bed in the pile that you have thrown all over it." He thought about covering his head awaiting her response.

"You are a lifesaver." She said giving him something that resembled a smile.

He shook his head, she was dangerous if you didn't say the right thing and he thought perhaps it would be best to keep his mouth shut while he was ahead. He tried not to stand there and watch as she finished getting ready for work.

"All right come on you were complaining we were going to be late let's go." Abby said as she headed for the door now.

He still didn't say anything. He just hoped that the silence that he was emitting didn't get him into even more trouble. But he followed like a faithful man would, knowing what was best for him right now and it was for Abby to be in something that mimicked a good mood.

Once they were settled in the car, "is everything okay with you Abby?"

"Everything is just peachy Carter." That was not quite the response that he expected to get back from her right now. "I work long hours, I don't get enough sleep, my stomach hurts, I didn't get to eat, I want a cup of coffee and I'm stuck in a car with you."

Ouch, okay she was no longer in a good mood. She had taken a swing to the extreme left again. "I was just curious, you don't have to bite my head off I didn't do anything."

Abby glared at him. That was a look that could have had anyone else quaking in their shoes, but Carter somehow managed while driving to maintain composure, "and just what is that supposed to mean?"

"You are in a bad mood; you are taking it out on me, on med students, on residents, heck on anyone that you can get your hands on, what's up with all of that? Someone pee in your cornflakes?" Once that phrase left his mouth he realized that it probably hadn't been in his best interest to say it. Carter realized that his life was in his own hands trapped in a jeep with a crazy woman who he might have just pissed off.

"Oh," she drew that one out much longer than she needed to. She was definitely now upset with him and his sudden interest in her moods. "You know this is your entire fault."

"What, how is your bad mood my fault?" She had confused him with that statement. He had no clue as to how her bad mood could have been his fault, as far as he knew he hadn't done anything to bring this on.

"You are a man." She said looking over at him for a minute, "therefore this is your fault."

"That makes a lot of sense there Abby." Carter replied back to her. "Please enlighten me to how this is my fault just because I'm a man."

Abby rolled her eyes as they pulled into the ER at County. She debated on how she wanted to say this for a minute, not quite the way that she had planned but the she really had no plan on how to tell him this one.

Carter looked over at her; the silence was not what he expected from her. "Well Abby, are you going to explain this before my clothes go out of fashion." His good mood being around her had started to dissipate.

Just for that one she clammed up as she got out of the car. He wanted to be in the same mood she was that was fine, she had all the time in the world to tell him after all nothing was going to happen for another seven months, maybe he'd mellow out as the day went on and she could tell him later.

"Come on Abby don't go all silent on me right now." Carter said getting out of the jeep and walking around so that he was standing next to her.

"We will talk about it later Carter, I'm not in the mood to talk right now." She said heading for the entrance to the ER. "Later." She held her hand up as she walked away as if that would silence him without her having to say anything more.

"Abby," Carter started, stopping when he realized he was talking to her back.

Right now for her to say anything it would come out all wrong. While there was no exact good way to explain the shift in her moods, being tired, cranky, crabby, the end result would be good for them. She just had to find the way to tell him that the reason for her bad moods was that she was pregnant with their baby.


	3. To Find the Words

**To find the words**

Time had flow by and the fall weather had started to set in, it was now the beginning of September, a few days passed Labor Day and Abby was now 13 weeks pregnant. She didn't know how to tell John though. She had known that she was pregnant for about two weeks but telling him was something that she just didn't know how to do and it still remained a mystery to her. She could just come out and say it, but she had tried that twice and she didn't know if the third time would be the charm or not.

She just needed to bit the bullet and tell him about this. She had been worried that he would be upset, angry with her in some way. She waited until they were both snuggled up into bed that night, "John honey can I talk to you?"

Carter rolled over so that he could see her and hear her better. "What is it honey?"

Abby was silent for a minute as she tried to find the way to go about this. She took a deep breath in and pulled the words together in her head before saying anything to him. "John, honey," She was already stumbling over her words, and it was harder than she thought it would be, she just didn't want to chicken out and not tell him again. "We, huh, we're uh," deep breath again, "you're going to be a dad. We are having a baby."

Carter was shocked somewhat he didn't have any idea that was what she was going to say, he was happy, that much he knew for sure, but he was momentarily speechless and well it might have been a good thing. A dad, he was going to be a dad that was something that he knew he wanted to be, it was just something that he never thought would happen, at least not right now. He knew that the silence that was coming from him was probably very nerve racking for her, but he really wasn't sure how to react to this. Finally he reached over wrapping his arms around her hugging her tight to him, "oh wow really?" He had a small a mile wide on his face right now, for this really was good news.

"Yeah." She said softly. She thought that he was smiling but the dim light in the bedroom made it hard to see and he had been so quiet when she had told him.

"This is good news," Carter said holding onto her, "this is very good news."

"You're not upset?" She asked her voice still very soft.

"No, oh no, I am not upset at all." Carter said still holding her close to him and placing a small kiss on her forehead. "I am very happy."

"Good," She said softly, "I think."

"Are you not happy?" Carter asked.

"Oh no I am, I'm happy." She replied back, "I just wasn't sure how to tell you about all of this." She was happy about the impending arrival of the baby, but she was also scared, nervous, and unsure of herself, the feelings that every new mother had. The thought of having someone she was responsible for at times seemed overwhelming and she wasn't sure if she could do it.

"Well I know and I am very happy for us." He hugged her softly still holding her close to him. "When, when is the baby coming?"

"The 12th of March is the baby's due date." Abby said. She knew that she was now safely passed the first trimester when the really bad things could happen, and it all seemed to be going well. Granted she would feel better when she heard that little one's heartbeat for the first time, it would make it all more real.

"In March wow," He said softly, "that doesn't give us much time to get everything ready." He kept his tone soft with her right now; getting this feeling that Abby was under much more stress that what she was showing. "That's plenty of time, six months." He wanted to reassure her that everything was going to be just fine, that they would be just fine.

His hand drifted down so that it was laying on her stomach. Thinking about how their child was nestled in there safe and secure from the outside world. Dependent totally upon her right now for everything, but that it would be dependent upon them both in a few short months.

_Four weeks later…_

"Are you sure you don't want me to try to get the time off to go with you?" Carter asked as they were driving towards County.

"No save you time off for later." She replied back as she munched on a blueberry muffin. "You'll need it when the baby actually gets here, not before."

"Because I'm sure that I can swap with someone." He said as he started the hunt for a parking space. "I'm sure that it wouldn't be a problem."

"No really John its okay you don't have to go with me." Abby insisted now. "I'd rather you have the time off later, nothing is going to happen today that you would really be interested in anyway."

"But what if they decide to do the ultrasound." He protested trying to get her to say that she wanted him there. Even though he knew once she had her mind way up there was no way that he was going to get her to budge on it.

"John," she was getting a wee bit upset with him now, "they will schedule it just not do it while I am there, really it is nothing more than an OB appointment, and I think I can handle gong and peeing in the cup all on my own."

"Are you sure?" He said raising an eyebrow at her, "I would hate for you to have to sit there and wait all alone. I could keep you company take you out to get something to eat afterwards."

She reached over and hit him when she knew that he had the car parked, "yes I am sure, and really I can do this myself. You are just terrified that you are going to miss something, granted I can't figure out what you think that you might be missing out on."

"It is our first baby; you only have one first baby." He pointed out to her.

"Yes, this is our first baby, and you are so right you only have one first baby," she started to get out of the jeep. "But you are not going to miss anything I promise, I won' let them do it without there."

"But I don't want to miss anything." His voice had almost a whining tone to it; she didn't want him to go with her.

"Okay you know what John," She said looking over at him trying very hard not to glare, "you are starting to get on my nerves in a very big way. You do not need to go, I don't want you to go, you are…" She thought for a second, "You are here by banned from any further OB appointments."

"You're kidding right?" He said giving her the wounded eyes routine.

"No, I am not kidding." Abby said. "I will have this child inside me for several more months and you are not allowed to go to any more of the doctor's appointments. You are driving me nuts."

"Oh please." He said giving her a soft smile, "don't ban me Abby."

"Give it up." She said tossing him a soft smile now, "behave and I might change my mind." She stopped walking for a minute, "And don't you even think about trying those puppy dog eyes on me because they are not going to work mister."

"Yes ma'am." Carter said giving her a mock salute.

Abby just shook her head a little and laughed, she knew it was killing him that she didn't want him to go with her, but she really would rather he take the time off when she would need him more. Rather than just sitting there holding her hand while they waited for her to go back to see the OB. She had this feeling that everything was alright and as long as she had that feeling, she could manage to go without him.

The headed inside County to start their day. Abby would work a half-shift and then head over to her OB appointment, Carter was stuck there for a full 12 hours today. Residents and Interns needed supervised. He hadn't been an attending all that long, but it was a nice feeling knowing that he had finally finished and was no longer having to have everything signed off, while he might have no longer have been the chief resident and in charge of the residents, he found that he was still in a way in charge, it was his job to supervise and keep them from still finding that way to get in over their heads.

Abby's OB appointment went off with out a hitch, everything up to this point in time seemed to be going well and they had no reason to suspect that there was anything wrong with her or the baby. She couldn't help but be in awe every time she heard that little one's heart beating. It was music to her ears, that little reassurance that everything was indeed alright. She was starting to get excited about the arrival of the little one. She had three months of being pregnant now behind her, and she only had to wait 6 more months.

March seemed so far away, but in reality she knew that it would be February before she knew it and then it would be February for what would feel like an eternity. She had always been told that it was that last month that drug on forever. She just wanted the time to pass so that she could hold her baby in her arms.


	4. Nervous, who me?

_A/N: Sorry that this took me so long to update. But here's the next chapter, as always please read and review, they are appreciated._**  
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**Chapter Four: Nervous, who me?**

Summer had left and fall moved in. Abby was starting to feel like the stay puff marshmallow man with the way she was blowing up. It was the middle of November now, holiday plans having been made and she had just scheduled her ultrasound for baby, which was going to be done at 28 weeks on the 18th of December.

Carter was a bundle of nerves, he wanted that day to get there and had to suffer the entire time slowly marking the days off the calendar one by one, the day of the ultrasound circled in red with the time off already requested.

He had signed them up for Lamaze classes and started already buying baby things, in preparation for the baby. Stroller, car seat, crib, a few clothes and the like for bringing baby home in. Abby was about ready to strangle him with all that he was doing but for the most part all of that was keeping him out of her hair.

The day of the ultrasound arrived and Carter was now seriously driving Abby bonkers, she wished that he would have worked part of the day at least that way he wouldn't have been underfoot all day.

"Carter, would you go and grab me a burger," Abby pleaded now, granted it was only 11 am but she needed to get rid of him for a little while he was hovering and she didn't like hovering.

"Yeah sure." He replied grabbing his coat, "I'll be right back."

Those were words that she didn't want to hear, "don't forget the…" the sound of the door closing cut her off, "fries."

Well she couldn't complain at least he was gone and the house was quiet. She stretched out on the couch now closing her eyes as comfortable as she could be right now. She'd have to start drinking that gallon of water here in about an hour so that she'd have it done before the ultrasound and then it was just a matter of holding it for hours.

She made herself comfortable once Carter had left, hoping that she could have some peace and quiet, not to mention time to herself. She knew that Carter was just being overprotective, that he was excited about all of this and she really couldn't blame him to that extent but he was starting to get on her already short nerves.

She sank a little more into the couch knowing that it was going to be difficult to get off the couch once she got comfortable but then she'd just wait for Carter to get back and he could fork lift her off the couch. Abby never thought getting pregnant would mean getting this big, and she still had time to go. The baby just seemed to want to hang out in the front making it's little presence known at all times. As she laid there the flutters that at first were so soft and over the weeks had become more intense, harder and frequent started up again. The baby liked to use her bladder as a soccer ball and tap dance on her spine.

"Ahh." She said resting her hands on her belly now closing her eyes. "Yes, I know you are in there my little one." She said with a heavy sigh, "mommy's tired."

She was almost asleep when she heard banging and the door come open with Carter standing there with his arms full. Sending him for food might have been a good idea at the time but right now the sight before her eyes was making her seriously regret that request.

"I'm back." Carter said as he crossed over towards the kitchen with the bags in his arms.

"And my food," Abby said craning her neck so that she could see him a little bit better not that she could see him.

"Yeah, got you a burger, fries and chocolate milkshake." He said sitting things down looking over at where she was letting out a small laugh, "stuck?"

"Okay Carter," Abby said with irritation in her voice, "that's so not funny and so not a question you should be asking me right now. Get over here and give me a hand off the bloody couch."

Abby gave him the evil eye the entire time it took him to cross the room. Not happy but not upset, just not in the best of moods. She walked over to the kitchen to eat what he had brought for her.

The rest of the time she ended up trying to nap in the bedroom putting as much space between Carter and her as she could. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him she just needed a break from everything for awhile.

Carter was all smiles as they drove to the OB's office. They got inside checked in, Abby had finished drinking all that dang water and felt like a balloon that was about to explode any minute, baby using her now full bladder as a new toy.

She was in a gown now laying on the gurney, Carter had a look on his face as if it was Christmas, so excited to see his baby for the first time. It seemed like forever before the ultrasound tech came into the room and they could get this thing started so that she could go and use the restroom to relieve all the pressure that was in there.

Carter and Abby's eyes were focused on the screen as everything else faded away and the first images of their baby came into view on the screen. They both sat there in complete awe of the picture that was there baby on that screen.

They watched as the tech took pictures and measurements of the baby's head, arms, femur, and then moved on to the kidneys and then the sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room.

"I think that's the most beautiful sound I have ever heard." Carter whispered taking Abby's hand into his, a small tear forming in his eyes.

"I think so too." Abby smiled at him quickly before turning her eyes back to the screen.

The tech was taking pictures of the baby's heart now. She seemed to be taking longer there than Abby or Carter was comfortable with and there was this eerie silence in the room now.

"Wait here just a minute." The tech said before slipping out of the room.

Carter and Abby were not sure what to make about what was going on. So they just sat there nervously holding on to each other's hands, surely there couldn't have been anything wrong, maybe they saw a second baby or something that the tech needed a second opinion.

The doctor came into the room with the tech this time, "hello," she said with a soft smile, "nice to see both of you." Formalities more than anything, "I'm just going to take a look at this little one here." She started to look at the same areas that the tech had been so focused on. The facial expressions of the doctor were difficult for Abby and Carter to interpret and Abby didn't know if she should start to worry now or not.

Finally the doctor snapped off the screen. "Why don't you go in use the restroom and get dressed and I will come back and talk to you in a minute."

"Dr. Stevens." Abby said looking at her "is there something wrong."

The doctor just patted Abby's hand, "well talk in a few minutes."

That didn't ease Abby's mind any just made it go faster than it already was as she moved off the gurney and headed in to change. It didn't take her long as she came back out taking a seat next to Carter, whose smile had seemed to have faded a little more.

They didn't say anything to each other not knowing what to say. They just sat there in complete silence waiting to find out what might be wrong, what they had seen on that screen.

It was nerve racking waiting like this, but they had no choice. Carter stood after a few minutes and starting pacing. That just made Abby even more upset and worried that she already was if Carter was pacing then he must have seen something that her not as well trained eyes hadn't seen.

"Dr. Carter, Abby." The doctor said as she came back into the room, "sorry for the delay." She was being very formal with both of them right now and it didn't sit well with the soon to be parents. Abby watched as the doctor pulled over a chair so that she was sitting down next to where Abby was and waited for Carter to sit down as well.

"What's wrong?" Abby asked.

"The baby appears to have a congenital heart defect." She said as she started to talk to them, treating them both now as parents rather than health care professionals. "The left ventricle appears to be underdeveloped in comparison to the right one. We won't be able to get a clear picture until the baby is born as to what the exact problem may be."

Abby went into a numb shock. As what the doctor was saying was sinking in, there was something wrong with her baby. She looked at Carter but the look on his face matched the look on her face as they were both hit with new that hurt.

"What are we looking at?" Carter asked, "what are the possibilities here?"

"It could be a coarctation of the aorta, it could be hypoplastic left heart syndrome," she said, "what you as parents are facing is a baby with a heart defect. But it can be treated with surgery."

Abby's mouth feel open here her baby wasn't even born yet and they were telling her that the child was going to have to have surgery to fix a birth defect. "Surgery." She managed to sputter out.

"Yes." Dr. Stevens answered her back. "We will refer you to a pediatric cardiologist that specializes in this sort of problem. The good news is that we caught it before the baby was born and we will be expecting it." She could see the worried look on both parents faces. "This is not something that either one of you caused. It's just something that happens."

Something that happens. That didn't reassure Abby of anything, it didn't ease her fears or her worries, all she knew was that the baby that she was expecting, the baby that she wanted, was going to be very sick and there was nothing she could do to protect her child from what was happening.


	5. What did I do wrong?

_A/N: Okay here's the next update, got it up a little faster than I thought I would. As always feedback is appreciated, so please read and review, it's motivation that keeps me writing. _**  
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**Chapter 5: What did I do wrong?**

They had gotten that news 7 days before Christmas, a holiday that they had been looking forward too talking about; they were going to have their own little dinner together. Now neither of them were in a festive mood and found that actually Christmas wasn't in the front of their minds any more.

Abby's thoughts were of what about next year, would there be a baby under that tree anticipating Santa's arrival? Would she be having all those sleepless nights in a rocking chair singing lullaby's to her baby? Abby knew it wasn't a matter of loving her child enough to get through all this of, it was the uncertainty that a medical condition brought concerning her child's future.

Would the little one be strong enough at such a fragile age to survive through surgery, and if that happened would everything still be okay. Every parent dreams when they are pregnant of having that perfect child, ten fingers, ten toes and everything just the way that it was supposed to be. While on the outside her baby was perfect in every way, with those 10 fingers and 10 ten toes, it was on the inside where you couldn't see, that something had gone wrong.

Where had she gone wrong, not done what she was supposed to do, not follow some prenatal guidance? After all this baby was growing inside of her, she was providing it's nurturing environment and something in that environment had gone wrong. All this time she had worried about Bipolar and passing along that disorder that she never consider that something else might be lurking at the door to send her finally centered universe spinning completely out of control.

One of the most joyous events in her life had been turned it a nightmare of sorts, she couldn't help but be full of fear. Each ultrasound that she had to have ordered by the baby's cardiologist didn't show anything that they didn't already know, and the answer was always the same, _we will know more when the baby is born. _

Carter tried to take all of this in stride, to think positive thoughts and not dwell on the possibility of what could go wrong. He tried to be as supportive as he could be to Abby and still get things ready for the arrival of the baby, yet not matter what he did there seemed to be this giant black cloud that hung over them now.

Blaming each other for this would have been so easy, but he knew that it was not either one of their faults. The answer of this is something that just randomly happens without rhyme or reason wasn't the answer that he was wanting to hear, but he knew that some things just couldn't be explained.

He could tell from the way that Abby acted, the little things that she did and the words that she let slip when they did talk now, was that she blamed herself. That no matter what the doctors said or what he said to her that was how she was going to feel. All the trips to the doctor's office, the constant tests and monitoring, they were wearing her down. She was in for an ultrasound once a week, and fetal stress testing now too on top of it all.

Yet Abby worked her shifts, she had planned on starting her maternity leave in February. Work seemed to help her stay focused on other things for awhile. As long as she stayed busy her mind didn't go to those places and she didn't think of all that could go wrong.

Abby knew that Carter was keeping a watchful eye over her, making sure that she sat down every now and then to rest, to make sure that she was eating enough, he brought her little treats during the day even in an attempt to get an extra little smile out of her. And even if Abby didn't feel like smiling at the time, she would give him one, just so that he would know that what he was doing was appreciated by her.

"Hey baby." Carter said as he walked into the lounge where Abby was standing with her head in the fridge bent over looking for something, anything that hadn't gone moldy, expired, or smelled funky.

She pulled her head up looking at Carter, "Hi." She replied going back to her foraging.

"Hungry?"

"Ugh, I'm always hungry; well that is when I don't have to use the bathroom." She stepped back from the fridge now. Looking over at him as the smell of hot food hit her nose. "Oh, what do you have?"

"Grilled Cheese and French fries." Carter replied, "want it?"

For just a brief moment Abby's eyes lit up the room, "oh yeah I want it." She waddled over to him. "you wouldn't happen to have…"

Carter didn't let her finish that sentence, "one strawberry banana milkshake."

She smiled her hungry stomaching growling loud enough for the room to hear. "Oh you are a godsend." She slipped into a chair and started to devour the food he had brought.

"What time you off?" Carter asked.

"Four hours." Abby replied between bites. "Do I need to take the EL home?"

"No I can take you." Carter said, "I should be out of here about then too if you don't mind waiting around a few minutes."

"Can I lay down while I wait for you?"

"I will cordon off an exam room just for you so that you can have a bed even." He smiled softly at her as he got up and kissed the top of her head, "enjoy your…" he looked at his watch, "late afternoon snack."

"I will." She said giving him back that small hint of a smile, she wasn't in a bad mood right now just very hungry, "Go on get back to work and let me eat before I go after your arm."

"Yes ma'am." Carter gave her a mock salute as he headed out the door. Some days where better than others and today seemed to be one of those better ones. While he knew that they were going to have bad ones, the nice ones in between where very nice too. As Carter went back to work he thought of some little things that he could do for her to make today stay a good day. Only ten more weeks to go.


	6. Time Drags On

**Chapter 6: Time Drags on**

It was now February and Abby had only 8 more weeks to go before the baby's due date arrived. The ultrasounds and stress tests continued on. Once a week she got to feel like a human balloon and then for 20 minutes was strapped to a fetal monitor to make sure that baby was doing okay with everything else that was going on.

In two weeks Abby would start her maternity leave. Staying at home and taking it easy, well staying at home when she wasn't at her doctor's appointments. This was all starting to take a toll on her not only physically but mentally as well.

Her ankles had swelled up to be small balloons themselves. Her back hurt like there was no tomorrow. She couldn't see her feet anymore, not that she had been able to see them in awhile now but she had to either bend over to see them or sit down and stick her legs out. She wasn't sleeping that great now either and the frequent trips to the bathroom that had started to slow down there for a little while, were picking up again. She swore she was living in there with as many trips as she made every day.

The going was rough and getting rougher by the minute. Right now for Abby time seemed to be dragging on slowly. Even with work it just seemed to take forever. She was stuck for the most part answering phones as she was just too pregnant to be of much use doing anything else and that way everyone else was happy because in a way she was taking it easy.

Valentines Day came and went uneventful for everyone and Abby worked her last shift at County for awhile. She now had free time on her hands where she could if she wanted to, just sleep, which she spent a lot of her time doing.

She glanced up at the calendar hanging there on the wall it was the 24th of February, not much longer to go. She had been bitten by the cleaning but and today that was all she wanted to do. She had completely done the kitchen, pulling everything out of the cupboards wiping them down inside and out then she had done all the woodwork and was now in the process of on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor.

"Abby honey." Carter called in not seeing her but the smell of Pine sol was overpowering when he had came inside, "what are you doing baby?"

"I'm cleaning the kitchen," she said as she slowly maneuvered to get herself up off the floor, a little more difficult of a task than getting down.

"You sure you want to be doing that?"

"Yes I'm sure." Abby said, "it was filthy and now it's clean." She put her hands on her back and stretched some. As she did this horrible pain shot down her side and wrapped itself around to the front of her belly. "ooh that smarts."

"What?"

"Oh just a Braxton hicks nothing more." Abby said looking at him, "been getting them all day, they don't want to seem to let up, guess someone's getting in some practice before the big day."

"All day?"

"Yes all day."

"Frequent all day?"

There was something about the tone of Carter's voice that didn't sit well with Abby, it might have been the way that he had said it that rubbed her wrong, but it was as if he was reading something into this that she didn't seem fit to be. "Carter yes all day long, they started about eight this morning and have been coming and going all day."

"Every?" Carter asked.

"Oh I don't know maybe every 20 minutes or so."

"That makes what four an hour?" Carter asked.

"What are you the Spanish inquisition?"

"Uh not that I know of, but aren't you supposed to take it easy when they get to be four an hour." He said giving her that look that told her she needed to be careful cause he was now in worried father mode.

"No it's more than four an hour." She repeated back to him, "relax would you, I know what I'm doing here and this is not…" she bent over again now that pain hurt. "Oh that hurts that hurts."

"Come on you need to sit down, no wait lay down on your left side," Carter about flew across the room to be next to her to help her get to the bedroom and get of her feet, her knees what ever it was she had been doing.

"I'm not a doll Carter," Abby snapped without really meaning to. "I'm okay you worry too much damn it."

"I do not." He said as he helped her back to the bedroom and got her laying down. "I'm worried about you and the baby, the baby coming too early." That was the truth nothing would scare him more than having a baby that was in trouble already coming earlier than expected.

"The baby is not coming, at least not today." She said, "see I'm fine I just must have stretched wrong."

"Yeah okay if you say so." Carter said letting her think that he was going to just drop this, he did not need to stress her out that would make the situation worse than what it already was, if it was anything.

Abby just looked at him knowing full well that he was just trying to pacify her. "John, you really have to…" oh there was another one; this was sitting well with her right now.

"Another one." He said knowing that he needed to call the doctor and take her in this just wasn't right and he wasn't going to deliver his own child.

"Yeah." She said as she closed her eyes, "I think we might want to go."

"Yeah I think we might want to too." Carter helped her get back up and move her down to the car. They were coming at a regular pace but as of right now they didn't seem to be getting any closer, they were staying the same. But definitely more than four an hour. If he could get her to the ER and up to OB then maybe they could get them to stop. Carter knew that any time that they could buy for the little baby in there increased the chances that things wouldn't be as bad as if the baby came now almost six weeks early.


	7. It's Almost Time

**Chapter 7: It's almost time**

Carter and Abby got to the hospital and went straight up to OB. Dr. Stevens admitted Abby got her into a room and hooked up on a fetal monitor so that they could monitor the contractions. It was 3:30 on February 24th when the whole process began. Carter was doing a half pacing half sitting routine, nervous and worried he didn't know how to handle what he was feeling right now.

"John sit down," Abby said from the bed as she watching him pacing again, his restlessness was not doing much for her disposition right now. She knew he was worried she was too a little bit but there wasn't a whole lot that either one of them could do about it right now.

"You need anything, want anything?" He asked moving back beside the bed as he sat down in the chair there. Sitting wasn't what he wanted to be doing.

"I'm fine; just relax a little would you please." She said, "everything is going to be fine." She added that more for her benefit than for his.

He didn't know what to say, she seemed so calm right now, but he knew that would change. "Okay." He tried his hardest to sit still and relax for her. With each passing minute watching the monitor he just couldn't sit there anymore, "I'm going to go find Dr. Stevens." He said standing up and kissing her on the head, "I'll be right back."

"John, honey please don't harass the doctor." Even with everything that was going on right now Abby had this weird unexplainable wave of calmness over her right now. She wasn't sure where it was coming from, but it seemed to her that she was handling things right now.

"I won't," he said, "I just want to know what her plan is."

"She'll come and tell us when she gets the chance." Abby said as she grimaced now as another contraction came, "give me your hand." She said as she reached for Carter's hand to hold onto to give her something to focus on while it happened. Maybe taking those Lamaze classes was about to pay off.

Carter held onto her hand as his eyes caught the monitor once again. Abby's contractions were coming at a steady pace about every five minutes or so and from the looks of it they were starting to get some steam behind them.

At about 4:30 Dr. Stevens made her way into Abby's room. "How are you doing mom?" She asked as she picked up the strip that had been printing out of the fetal monitor looking it over.

"Hanging in there." Abby replied, "how's it look?"

"Well it's looks like we've got something going on here." She said with a soft smile as she glanced over at Abby. "Baby seems to be doing okay, nice steady heartbeat."

"That's good." Abby relaxed a little more.

"We looked over all the ultrasound results, baby's lungs look good," she said looking at Abby and then at Carter, "I'm just going to do a quick exam see where we stand there."

Abby sighed, this was the part that she dreaded but hey it could very well be one of the last times she had to have it done. She situated herself in the bed and waited while the doctor did her thing.

"You're dilated to five and I'd say about seventy-five percent effaced." Dr. Stevens snapped off her gloves.

Carter looked at the doctor and then at Abby. "Can I talk to you in the hall?" He asked her still worried about Abby and the baby.

"Yes sure Dr. Carter." Dr. Stevens said, "Abby do you want an epidural?"

"Oh god yes please," She gave her a half smile with her answer. "Can I have one now?"

"I'll get anesthesiology up here and they can put one in." She patted Abby's arm, "you try and just relax get some rest."

"Easier said than done." Abby replied.

"I know." The doctor smiled back. "If you want to get up walk around until they get here that's fine too, you won't be able to get out of bed once the epidural's in."

"I know," Abby answered, "I might do that."

Carter had walked out into the hall waiting for her, he was concerned about all of this but they seemed ready to let Abby have the baby even though to him it just didn't seem right, it seemed to early.

"You have concerns Dr. Carter?" Dr. Stevens asked as she walked out into the hallway with him. You could see the worry written all over Carter's face.

"Isn't it a little early for her to have the baby?" He asked no sense in beating around the bush with her.

"No," She replied, "I can understand your concerns and your worries. But I can assure you that if we thought that it was to early we would have tried and stopped it. The ultrasounds look good Carter considering everything else that is going on. Baby's lungs appear to be fully developed, mom is doing okay, baby's handling the contractions very well it should all just be a matter of time before the baby is here."

That eased Carter's mind somewhat but not really enough to make this any easier. He wasn't sure what he wanted right now, half of him wanted to be in there with Abby helping her best he could and the other half wanted to run and find a second opinion find someone who could get that baby to wait in there just a few days longer.

"I know that this is stressful right now," The doctor said as she tried her best to reassure the man who was about to become a father, "but you have to trust us right now, know that we are doing the best that we can for Abby and your child."

Carter sighed now, it was easy for her to tell him to relax, but that was the love of his life and his baby in there. Both of whom he wanted to keep with him in this world and the threat of anything going wrong, knowing everything that could go wrong just didn't make it any easier.

"Let me give you a little bit of advice." She said to him, "you need to stop thinking like a doctor right now. I know it's hard with everything that you know, all the thoughts of what could and what might go wrong, but she's in good hands. Just be supportive of her right now, help to keep her comfortable and focused. That's all you have to do right now, it's your only job. You do that and we'll do the rest."

He just shook his head, while it might have sounded like good solid advice, it was a lot harder to do that everyone thought it was. Being on the other side of the fence didn't give him that great of a feeling right now. He knew things were not in his control, and that's part of what was unsettling.

He turned and walked back into Abby's room. She had managed to get to where she was sitting with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. "Feel like walking the Abby?" She asked him trying to keep things light right now and cracking bad jokes.

"Walk the Abby." That put a small smile on his face. "Yeah I think I can manage to walk you. But we'd been unhook you cause I am not taking all that with us." He pointed to the fetal monitor that she was attached to right now.

"I whole heartedly agree." She reached over pulling the connecting cables from the monitor, "I think you might want to hold onto these so that I don't trip."

"Ha," he let out a little laugh, "guess you do come with your own little leash."

"Oh that was mean." She said with a smile, "but yeah I guess you could say so."

Keeping things light was her way of not focusing on the potentially bad things that could happen and right now she just needed to stay relaxed.

"Okay speed let's go." He said putting his arm out, "shall we take a late afternoon stroll around this lovely department." He said with a smile, "maybe we shall raid the nurses' station for lovely snack treats."

"Look at you thinking about food, that's my man." She said with a grin as they started off down the hall. They weren't the only couple out strolling the halls but they seemed to be the only two who were cracking jokes between each other.

Abby had to stop walking every few minutes when the contractions hit but she was riding them out, trying to be a trooper for everyone. She just wished now that the epidural man would get there so she could have some relief from the intense pain; it was growing with each contraction.

"You want to head back to the room?" Carter asked Abby looked like she was starting to tire out from the walk they had been taking.

"Yeah I think that might be a good idea."

"Alright my dear." Carter said as they started back for her room. It took them a few minutes to get there. "Want a hand getting up into the bed?"

"Actually I think I need to use the bathroom first." She said sighing, it wasn't going to be an easy task for her with the monitor connections and everything attached to her.

"Okay."

Well thank god he didn't ask if she needed help with that one. Abby slipped inside the little bathroom in there to do her business as Carter waited by the bedside to help her get back into bed.

Once she was settled back in they continued to wait Carter held her hand and then rubbed her back where it was sore, trying to do the little things that he could to help make her comfortable, focusing on Abby seemed to make things a little easier than they had been.

Abby was happy to see the epidural man when he came into the room, once it was in place and the pain eased up a little bit she might be able to get some sleep. It took him a little while to get it in but once it was in, Abby was a much happier camper.

"Why don't you pull the bed out there and try and take a nap Carter." Abby said curled up on her side now her eyes heavy, the pain of the contraction had let up. She could still feel them but they didn't hurt like they had been. "I think that's what I am going to do for a little bit."

Carter pulled the small bed out, turning the chair in there into a place where he could cat nap. Glancing up at the clock it was now a little bit after midnight. They could both use some rest and he knew that they would wake him up if something happened.


	8. Tears of Joy

_A/N: Okay fast update cause where I left off I felt like I was being mean. So here's another chapter thanks for all the reviews they make writing this one more fun when I know that people are reading it and enjoying it._**  
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**Chapter 8: Tears of Joy**

Abby managed to drift off to sleep now that the pain was not there anymore. Okay she now could understand why women loved what they called the epidural man. She also knew that having a baby could at times be a very long process. She woke up and glanced up at the clock in the now darkened room, one of the nurses must have turned the lights off when they passed by, it was a little after 6 am. Carter was sleeping in the chair still and looked very content and peaceful.

She smiled over at him, soon there would be three of them and the time when they were along together would be over, but it would be the start of a new chapter in their lives and Abby was looking forward now to seeing her baby more than ever since the time seemed to be so close.

The nagging fear that she had been able to push to the back of her mind was creeping forward a little more now, while she wanted to hold her baby it would be leaving the safety of her womb and coming into the harsh world. Inside of her she knew that the baby was safe and protected at all time, once he or she was born it would be a whole different story and so much would be out of her control.

She watched as Carter started to stir now on the chair, dear lord he was mighty close to the edge of that thing, he was going to fall off she just knew it. If she said something, her voice might startle him sending him tumbling to the floor, if she didn't say anything he might go tumbling to the floor anyway. Tough call that she was going to have to make. To fall or not to fall that was the question and there was only one way to find out the answer.

"John," She called softly at first with no response from Carter, "John!"

"What, what I'm up…" and there he went. Abby tried her damnedest not to laugh from the look on his face as he hit the floor but she erupted into giggles, which broke some of the worry that she was feeling, for laughter was always the best cure.

"I was trying to keep you from falling." She said, "you were sleeping so close to the edge that I was afraid either way you were going down."

Carter looked up at her leaning somewhat over the edge to look down at him, a smile on her face, "thanks… I think."

"You're welcome."

"How are you feeling?"

"About as well as I can be feeling. What ever is in that line is some good stuff." She replied back to him.

"Glad to hear that." He said, he didn't want her to be in pain and had watched plenty of women attempt to go through childbirth without pain medications, which for some worked but he was glad she had opted for the less painful route. "I'm going to grab a cup of coffee do you need anything?"

"Nope," she said, "wait maybe I do." She looked at him.

"What?"

"Uh do you think you could help me up a little so that I am sitting up on the bed a little higher?"

That was a pretty odd request, "sure." He said as he moved over to help her.

"Cause," she said as he helped to scoot her up the bed, "I can't feel my legs anymore."

Carter laughed, "well at least we know that the epidural is doing it's job then."

Abby laughed a little at that as she reached for the remote to the TV the contractions were starting to get a lot more frequent and she was starting to feel them a little more, "yeah at least it is for now."

"Be back in a couple of minutes." Carter said fairly confident about leaving her alone in the room right now, she seemed to be doing okay and when he caught a peak at the fetal monitor the contractions were regular but still about five minutes apart.

"Okay." She said to his retreating form. Right now she wasn't feeling to bad but something inside told her that, that wasn't going to last too much longer.

As the morning slowly ticked by Abby's contractions became closer and closer together and at 9:30 she finally had it ten and it was time to get this little one out. Carter was on her right side holding her hand now as she could feel the pressure.

"That's it Abby, bear down come on honey push." He said, "two, three, four, five…" He counted, "that's it, seven, eight, nine, and ten."

He said ten and she about fell back into the bed, it hurt now and she was getting tired from all of this.

"That's it Abby baby's coming you can do it."

All the cheering and coaching from inside the room was getting on her nerves but she knew she was so close she couldn't just give up, although she really wanted to just stop and take a nap. "You do it then."

"Alright Abby here comes another one, push."

She was back up in that hunched over position giving it everything that she had again. But she was running low on everything she had and didn't know how much longer she could keep this up.

"You're doing good baby." Carter said.

"Just shut up." Abby snapped looking right at him. "You are not helping so help me god John Carter we are never, do you hear me never doing this again."

"Push Abby," Dr. Stevens said from the end of the bed trying to refocus Abby and keep her from killing Carter. "You're almost there, we've got baby fuzz."

"What the hell do you mean baby fuzz?" Abby grunted as she tried to push and talk at the same time, making both of them fairly ineffective.

"Well we have light blonde baby hair here."

"Great where did the blonde come from?" She said as she pushed again with all her might.

"Stop hold on don't push."

Not the order that Abby wanted to hear right now cause it felt like she was freaking on fire. "Don't push what the?"

The doctor made quick work of what she needed to do, "okay now Abby."

This was just way to much as Abby gave it one last go for. If that child wasn't out on this one, she was quitting. As she finished that though the sound of an infant's cries filled the room. And Abby dropped back onto the bed.

"Congrats mom, dad, we have a beautiful baby girl." She reached up laying the newborn infant of a blanket that was spread out over Abby wrapping the infant and making sure that Abby had her.

It was right there and then that Abby started to cry, giant tears of joy as she looked down at the newborn baby that she had in her arms. This was their daughter she was holding onto. She had never felt such love in her heart as she did right then and there.

She looked up at Carter then down again at the baby girl. "Oh my god she's perfect." Abby looked and counted the ten little fingers and ten little toes, gently kissing each little hand.

Carter had leaned over and kissed the top of Abby's head, "she sure is, looks just like you."

It wasn't more than a minute later that they took the baby from Abby, just to give her the once over they reassured her and get a weight and measurements. Then they handed her back. Abby was now holding onto a little one who wasn't covered in a white film.

"You can hold her for a minute mom and then dad can go with us and well take her up to the NICU."

Hearing that about broke Abby's heart. By looking at her you couldn't tell that there was anything wrong with her. She looked like any other newborn that Abby had helped bring into the world.

She held onto her darling daughter, keeping her close as she fought now not to cry. The time went to fast for her and before she knew it they wanted to take her upstairs.

"Mommy loves you Eryn." Abby said as she kissed the baby's forehead again before handing her over to John. Several weeks ago they had each written down five names that they liked and put them in one of Abby's coffee mugs. Neither of them really wanted to name the baby after someone in the family and it was a solution to their problem. Then they drew out two names one for the first name and one for the second name. The first one they drew was Eryn, of course Abby's pick and the second was Elizabeth, and Carter had picked that one.

And at 9:52 on February 25th, Eryn Elizabeth Carter joined the world weighing in at 5 pounds 5 oz and at whole 17 inches long. She was their little girl. Abby watched as Carter gently held Eryn close to him and headed the long walk up to the NICU, Abby knew that she'd be able to go up there in a little while to be with her, but she couldn't help but cry as she watched her newborn daughter head with Carter for the NICU, the place where they took the sickest of babies to care for when they were born.


	9. Constant Vigil

**Chapter 9: Constant Vigil**

Time, it didn't pass fast enough for Abby. The cold feeling in that room on the maternity ward, just didn't feel like the place where she was supposed to be. Having a baby, this wasn't what it was suppose to feel like. She should be happy, overjoyed, but yet she was neither of those. She was heartbroken, alone, desperate to see her child. Arms that should be holding a baby girl, rocking her, watching her sleep, those arms were empty and that's how her heart felt right now, completely empty.

The epidural had long worn off and she had control of her extremities again. She paced for a little while tiring herself the rest of the way out. Still no news of her baby girl. It had been four hours since she had been born and no one had even come into the room to tell her how her daughter was doing, and John, he was a useless bundle of information.

They will come and tell us when they know, hearing that from him hadn't set well with her and she wasn't sure if it was just the stress, the change in hormones or what it was that was making her feel the way that she did right now. Someone had to know something, but yet there was nothing.

She sat now on the edge of the bed, Carter having gone down to the cafeteria to get something to eat, telling her to have him paged if word came down. She couldn't make herself go. Abby pulled her feet up so that her arms were wrapped around her legs and her head rested on her knees, it seemed like forever that she had been able to get into this kind of a position. Her tears started to flow, she had to cry there was nothing else inside of her and no other release for the pain that she was feeling right now.

A soft knock on the door pulled her from her solitary crying. Who could be there? This might have been the news that she had been waiting for. "Come in." She called out running her hand under her eyes to wipe away the tears that had been there. She didn't want anyone to see her in her moment of weakness.

"Abby," a familiar face came into view, one that she knew would have some glimmer of news for her.

"Yes Dr. Simmons." It was the baby's cardiologist; he was supposed to be one of the best in Chicago.

She watched as he pulled a chair up next to where she was, "I'm sure that you are more than ready for news of your baby's condition and what we found in the cath lab."

"Yeah." She said nodding, she knew that John wanted to be there that he should be there for this, but she didn't take the time to reach over to grab the phone. "More than ready."

However it didn't matter, that she hadn't for Carter had bumped into the doctor in the hallway, he had been talking with the OB nurses rather than face Abby and stood now in the doorway listening to what the doctor was going to tell her.

"The baby…" Abby stopped him, not in an attempt to be rude, but more for her than anything else.

"Eryn." She said, a hint of a smile crossing her face when she said her daughters name.

He nodded in response, "Eryn, did as well to be expected in the cath lab. And it gave us pictures that we were hoping for, to get a better understanding of what exactly is the nature of Eryn's condition." He was making a point to use the child's name, knowing that it meant something to the parents to hear their child referred to it, rather than as the baby.

Abby nodded now waiting for him to go on. She didn't know if she was going to be able to handle hearing this, but she knew inside that she needed to know, she just wanted to be able to be upstairs to see her child.

"It's a little more complicated than what we thought we were dealing with, as you know we knew that Eryn had a coarctation but what we were also able to see what that she has a very small left ventricle." He was talking slow, knowing that even though Abby had medical training that the words that he was using were ones that she would know, but that she was now a patient's mother and needed those few extra moments to absorb the gravity of the situation.

"We have a two options here that we could pursue, our best one at this point in time is to keep the PDA in her heart open and then when she's a little bigger go in for corrective surgery. It would be the first of three that she would need to correct the defect in her heart."

Abby was trying to let everything that he was saying sink in to try her best to keep from breaking down again right there and then. This wasn't the news that she had been hoping for. She had wanted to hear that this was something that they could fix in a single shot and then go home and lead normal lives again. "What's," it took her a minute to form words, "what is our other option?"

He took a deep breath knowing that this was going to be a difficult thing for her to hear, "the second option is that we put Eryn on the transplant list and see if we can get her a new heart."

Those words hit Abby like a ton of bricks. A heart transplant in an infant. She could feel the tears in her eyes now, no this could not be happening; they had to have someone else's baby mixed up with hers. Those test results had to have been wrong.

"That's not the option that I suggest we chose." He said strongly stating his medical opinion to her. "I think that we should do the three stages of surgery. It's in Eryn's best interest to do it that way."

Eryn's best interest, what did this man know about that. She didn't like either of them but knew that she was going to have to make a decision.

"Abby." Carter's voice sounded in the room, it wasn't loud but he had made his presence known to her now. "I think he's right."

She sat there unsure of either man's opinion right now. "I just want to see her." Abby's voice was so soft and weak that it barely carried into the room.

"I understand." Dr. Simmons said, "talk it over; this is a decision that you both need to make together. If you have anymore questions for me the nurse knows how to get in touch with me and I'm sure that you can go up and see her now."

Those were the words that Abby had been waiting so long to hear that she could go up and see her baby girl. Carter put his hand on her shoulder now, standing next to her, "thank you doctor."

Abby nodded, "yes thank you." There wasn't much else she could say her thoughts had changed gears and she just wanted to get to the NICU. She did hold it inside until the doctor had left the room, "can we go please John, can we go see her?"

Carter held out slippers for her, "yeah baby come on." He said gentle with her right now, knowing that this was just as hard on her as it was on him. And knowing the conversation that laid ahead right now taking her up to see the baby was the better option it would do them both good to see the baby.

He helped to get her upstairs, the walk was slow, Abby might have been pacing in her room, but she was far from moving fast. Slow from the trauma of childbirth but determined to get up there.

Walking from her room to the maternity ward was the longest walk she had ever taken and it felt as if she was never going to get there. She scrubbed like she was told to, not wanting to get Eryn or any of the other babies sick and then let them lead over to the tiny baby's baby warmer.

As she stood there next to it what she saw was tearing into her. Her small fragile baby had a tube down her throat to help her breathe, wires and tubes appeared to be coming out her in places you never would have thought. Abby's breath caught in her throat, tears welling up in her eyes again threatening to fall.

She reached down and gently touched the small hand that was poking out from under the blanket, so tiny where those little fingers. Her daughter once pink and healthy looking, no different than any other newborn that she had helped to bring into the world was now not the same.

You could hear the heart monitor beep every time that her fragile heart beat. The gentle hum of the ventilator that was pushing air into those tiny lungs. She just wanted to scoop the baby up and hold her every so close to her but knew that she could, she would have to settle for just touching that little hand.

Carter wrapped his arm around her, helping now to almost hold her up. This wasn't an easy sight to see. It never was when it was someone else's child, but now they were standing there watching it happen to one of their own. His flesh, his blood was laying there needing all the help that she could get to fight for her precious life. That was his little girl.

Both minds filled with worry, with fears, uncertainty lie ahead of them with their future, with their child's future. What would happen to her was in the hands of other doctors, Carter was the doctor that, that trust was usually put into and now he had to stand back and put that trust into someone else's hand. A hard thing to do when your child's future was at stake. Soon enough they would have heart wrenching medical decisions to make but for right now, it was enough for them to be there with her. To let her know that she wasn't alone, her mother and her father were both watching vigil over her and that is where they would both remain.


	10. Wait and See Approach

**Chapter 10: Wait and See Approach**

Dr. Simmons had decided after reviewing Eryn's echo results, the results of her heart cath and her lab results that right now a wait and see approach was one that was going to give them all the best chance. This would not only give Eryn time to grow a little under close supervision but also allow for her to be stronger when she was to under go the long operation.

Abby had remained by the baby's side leaving only for short, and very short periods of time. The nurses in the NICU had gotten into the habit of watching the clock to remind her to take a break and go get something to eat, to go and take a nap, that they would come and get her if the slightest thing changed.

Today was the day that she was due to come off the ventilator that had been helping her breath since the day that she was born, and for Abby the thought of being able to hold her again was in the front of her mind. She was anxiously awaiting them to tell her that it was time to remove the breathing tube.

She had gotten use to changing diapers in the NICU making sure that they were all weighted so that ins and outs could be monitored; she smiled down at her daughter and told her stories about anything and everything making sure that Eryn was constantly hearing her voice knowing that she was near her.

Abby changed her little outfit, while clothes where had to find for her, she had some make shift ones that were made by volunteers that accommodated all of her tubes and wires, had nothing on them that interfered with echocardiograms or with the numerous x-rays that the baby always seemed to be having. A fresh diaper later fully dressed with and a soft kiss on the forehead by her mother, Abby smiled once more at the baby, as she placed a pink bow on her head that was held into place by Vaseline. A pink blanket laying across the top of her and a small stuffed ladybug, a small teddy bear, and a pig where there where she could see them. While Abby might have put them in there for Eryn she had done it for herself as well for it made the place seem not so much of a sterile environment.

"There's my beautiful girl." Carter said as he slipped an arm around Abby knowing that she was there, she rarely left and while he worried about her he had the entire NICU staff looking out for her while he was working. He didn't want to have to go back to work the upside was that he was just a few short floors away from Eryn and from Abby and could get upstairs at a moments notice. He spent a lot of his breaks up there with them as well.

"Hey baby." Abby said as she rested one of her hands on top of his, the other still inside Eryn's little fingers were wrapped around Abby's index finger holding on.

"I got a page saying that they were going to extubate her and I got up here as fast as I could." There was a soft smile on his face even though this was a trying time. Granted everything should go well but there was that feeling knowing what he did that something could go wrong and that was the last thing that he and Abby needed was for Eryn to have a setback.

"I don't know, they didn't say when just that they were going to try and do it today." She said softly.

They stood there for a few more minutes their eyes fixated on the child who appeared quite happy and content right now sound asleep.

"Dr. Carter, Abby." A voice said from behind them as Dr. Simmons and Dr. Winters both came over to where they were standing. Eryn had her own little army of physicians that were taking care of her making sure that every medical need that she might have was being met.

"Good afternoon Dr. Simmons, Dr. Winters." Abby said looking at the two men as they stood now near Eryn looking at her. "Are we ready to extubate her?" Abby asked her eyes almost pleading now that they would say yes to her request. She knew the longer that Eryn was on the vent that the harder it would be to get her off and the greater the chance became that there would be some complications.

Abby took a step back so that she would be in the way as the doctor nodded his response to her and finished examining the little one. Her arm found it's way to wrap around Carter so that she would have something to hold onto right now. Her faith was the only thing that was getting her through all of this right now. Faith and hope that everything would work out the way that it was supposed to.

She held on tight to Carter as they slipped the tube from Eryn's small mouth and Abby found herself holding her breath. 'Come on baby you can do it' she said to herself watching and waiting.

There was an eerie silence in the room now as everyone watched and waited to see what Eryn was going to do. Time seemed to be standing still and Abby was now whispering a silent prayer waiting for some sign that Eryn could make it with out the vent.

Then there it was almost as if she knew that her time was up and if she hadn't made a sound they were going to put that tube back in. The very horse sounds of a baby's cries filled Abby's ears as she started to cry tears of utter joy this time. Eryn had done it, she was breathing on her own, very unhappy that they had done that to her, but it was music to Abby's ear.

Carter hugged her close to him, "she did it." He whispered softly so that only Abby could hear them. They watched as they put a nasal canula on the little infant, it was so small almost amazing that it could stay in place.

They both moved over close now to the baby. "Want to hold her mom?"

The question that Abby had been waiting days to be asked, "oh yes." She said, "oh please yes." She thought about giving Carter that chance to hold her first but something inside her wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to ease that ache that she had been feeling since Eryn was born and she had been on the sidelines.

A rocker was pulled over and Abby sat down in it as a pillow was placed on her lap. Then the nurse very carefully handed her, her small bundle of joy. Abby held her close to her, the soft baby smells filling her nose. There was nothing better than the smell of a baby. She gently started to rock the chair running her hand along the side of Eryn's face gently her touch against the baby's cheek. Her own eyes still wet from the tears. She was so happy to have her daughter in her arms once more.

Carter stood and watched in awe of mother and child. Something that he had been wanting and needing to see for days on end. He had been given that chance to spent a little extra time with her when he carried her up to the NICU this was Abby's chance to get that time that she had been deprived of.

For the first time in days both mother and father shed tears of joy rather than tears of worries. While the road that was ahead of Eryn was still long and held uncertainties there was one thing that Eryn was where she belonged right now, in the arms of her very loving mother.


	11. 21 Days

**Chapter 11: 21 days**

Abby had been able to finally nurse Eryn and the bonding process between mother and child was going well, although Eryn tired out fast and spent most of her time sleeping that didn't deter Abby from sitting in a rocking chair in the NICU rocking her daughter.

She was 21 days old now not much bigger than the day she was born having only reached 5 pounds 14 oz. But every little ounce that she gained was rejoiced for it made her that much bigger and the much stronger for the impending surgery that they knew was bound to come.

Abby was sitting there now getting ready to put Eryn back into her little well decorated bed. Stuffed animals had multiplied when they weren't looking little gifts from the staff downstairs who had come up to take a peak at the newest member of the ER family.

She carefully laid her down making sure that all the wires and tubes were where they should be, moving Eryn was still difficult and trying not wanting to pull anything lose and have the barrage of monitors start beeping and she really did not like the nasal canula that was in her nose. When Eryn got the chance she liked to removed it.

She had also gotten quite proficient at kicking the little pulse ox monitor off her toe too. They were going to have to find somewhere else to put it as it was now taped into place so that she couldn't wiggle out of it, giving everyone heart attacks when she started beeping. When she had finished tucking her in Abby turned around to come face to face with Dr. Winters and Simmons as well as a doctor she hadn't met before.

"Abby how are you guys doing today?"

"We are both doing well." Abby replied with a smile, "she just ate and is happy sleeping again."

"That's good to hear." He said, "why don't we go over here and talk." Dr. Simmons said holding out his hand, "get some coffee?"

Abby nodded and followed the physicians into a little room where they could all sit and talked, wondering if she should get Carter up here for this. The way that the three doctors looked she was getting this feeling that something heavy was about to be dropped on her and she didn't know if it was something that she wanted to hear alone.

She took the cup of coffee that was handed to her by Dr. Winters as they all sat down. It was Dr. Simmons who spoke first.

"Abby as you know we've done a series of echocardiograms on Eryn's heart and what we had hoped to see by now hasn't happened."

Abby didn't know what to make of that, if it was bad or good, while the medical jargon was not so difficult to understand she was far from an expert in cardiology and not an expert in the pediatric department. Abby nodded, "and that means?"

"We are going to schedule her for surgery here in the next few days. Eryn all things considered is doing remarkably well and we believe that we need to proceed with the next step."

Abby sat there for a minute taking in what he said, "if you think that's what needs to be done." She would never say no knowing that it could seriously jeopardize her daughter's health to do so.

"We do," he said looking at her with sympathetic eyes, "this is Dr. Steven Wright; he's one of the best pediatric cardiology surgeons that we have."

Abby looked at him, "Abby Lockhart, Eryn's mother." She said out of habit. Surgeons had the worst bedside manner out of all the physicians that Abby had worked with and she really didn't expect much more from this man.

"As you know," he started in, cold just as she thought he would be, "any surgery carries risks and I won't lie to you or sugar coat things in any way. The procedure that Eryn needs to have done carries a high mortality rate."

Abby heart hit the floor right there and then. Those were not the words that she wanted to hear, far from it that was not what she had been lead to believe all this time and while she knew that nothing in medicine was ever black and white this was not good news to have to sit and hear. "How high?" Not that she wanted to know but she found herself asking.

"There is a 40 survival rate."

Abby felt her heart break into two then and there. Those were no good odds and she didn't like them, she thought about telling him for a moment that they were not going to do this, that surgery was just to risky.

"But with out surgery your daughter's condition is fatal."

Oh that wasn't good either. They either had to take the risks of the surgery or they would certainly lose Eryn. All Abby could do was nod, they didn't have many options right now and the decision was not difficult, she wanted to give Eryn every fighting chance she had.

The surgeon started to explain the procedure that they were going to do to Abby. A Stage One Norwood to begin to reconstruct Eryn's heart so that it could carry blood better and oxygenate her body. The second stage a Hemi-Fontan would then be done between the ages of 3 months to 10 months to complete the second part of Eryn's heart's reconstruction and the third and final stage the Fontan would be done between 18 to 24 months. He also went into all the complications that they could possible expect ranging from increased cyanosis to arrhythmias to sudden death. None of which sat well with Abby but she knew that this right now was the best option that was facing them.

"Will you be able to explain all of this to Carter when he comes up?" Abby said, "he's working in the ER right now." With all the information that Abby had just taken in she didn't know if she could relate it to Carter the way that it was supposed to be relayed.

"I know it's a lot to take in Abby." Dr. Winters said, "I'll make sure that Dr. Carter is informed of everything that we have talked about. I can go down there when we are finished here if you would like."

"Yeah please." Abby said. She could feel her body going numb and right now all she wanted to do was to go back to her rocking chair and rock her baby.

"I'll do that." Dr. Winters said as they all stood up, he put his arm around Abby knowing that this was a difficult time for them and while the news was not horrible it wasn't the greatest either. They were facing some difficult odds now, "it will be okay, have faith, and she's a strong little girl." He said as they reached where Eryn was sleeping.

Abby picked Eryn back up and sat with the pillow in the rocking chair where she had already spent so many hours. She just nodded holding the baby close to her heart as she rocked needing her there with her in her arms right now. They all backed away giving Abby the space and the extra time that she needed with Eryn as the tears again began to fall. Abby was terrified of everything that could go wrong; she just prayed that they would all be strong enough to make it through this.

She had to have been sitting there for almost an hour when she heard Carter's voice talking with one of the nurses before he came over to where Abby was sitting her eyes still wet from all the tears that had fallen but holding Eryn was comforting to her and gave her something immediate to focus on.

"Hey," Carter said softly as he pulled another chair over so that he was sitting near them, gently touching the baby's head before placing a small kiss on her forehead. He could clearly see how stressed out Abby had become over all of this and he didn't blame her.

"On a break." Abby asked softly.

"I'm off." He said, "I got someone to cover the rest of my shift so that I could come up here and be with you two right now."

"Do you want to hold her?" Abby asked.

"Do you want me to take her for a little bit?"

Abby just nodded as the two of them changed places and it was Carter who was in the rocking chair now with the baby girl in his arms. The conversation that he had with Dr. Winters downstairs, those words were still echoing in his head as he looked down at the face of the sleeping of his sleeping child there in his arms.

There was this empty feeling one that there were no words for that they were both feeling right now. Despair might have been what it was but neither parent was willing to give up the fight for that little girl right now. Doing what was best was never an easy choice and all decisions came with a high price for Eryn that price could very well be her life. As doctors they were responsible for making decisions about other people's lives on a daily basis sometime the outcomes were good and other times the patient died and it was the family that had to learn to cope with the loss. Here they were responsible for this little tiny person's live but this time it was they who would have to personally deal with the outcome good or bad, they needed to both go into this feeling that they were making the right decisions so that there was no looking back with regret if god forbid something should happen.


	12. Cardiac Arrest

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to submit reviews for the story. They are greatly appreciated and keep the motivation for fast updates coming. Here's the next chapter, sorry it's so short but I'm sure you'll all understand. Thanks again, keep reading and reviewing, it makes my day to know you like the story._**  
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**Chapter 12: Cardiac Arrest**

Abby rocked the baby all night holding her close, worried about what tomorrow was going to bring. The day of Eryn's surgery had finally reached them and she wasn't able to pull herself away from the NICU the night of.

The early predawn hours were the most peaceful in there, with the light dimmed down since most of the tiny babies were sleeping soundly. Occasionally one would, as they say decide to misbehave and there would be a flurry of activity but for the most part things were calm.

She had to put Eryn down long enough for them to give her that bath before surgery could take place. She held her once again after it was all done. She had this orange hue to her now that look that you got when you put the sunless tanner on wrong, not tan, definitely not the look that one would willingly sport.

"Oh baby." Abby said rocking her once more. She never knew how precious of a feeling that this was, until the fear that she might never do it again set into her mind. "You have a long road ahead of you." Her voice was so soft and gently as she spoke, "I always pictured this long beautiful future for you, seeing that first day of kindergarten, your first boyfriend, your first broken heart, seeing you graduate, get married all those things that we dream about." She kept rocking, Eryn fast asleep in her mother's arms.

"All those things you'll see," A voice from behind softly whispered to her.

Abby looked up to see Carter standing there behind her now. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I tried but it wasn't happening." He replied softly to her, "I dream those things for her too." He reached over kissing his fingers before touching the baby's small head, "we'll get to see them one day too, and we have to hold onto hope right now. Hope that she's the fighter that her mother is, has her father's stubborn streak, and your will."

"Hope is really all we have right now." Abby said her eyes back focused on the little one in her arms once more. There was nothing more that she would ever ask for again if her little one was kept safe right now.

"It is but the three of us are going to come through this." He said he had to have the faith inside that that was the way it was going to be. "I'm as scared as you are, don't get me wrong, but thinking about everything that could go wrong, that's not going to help anyone."

"I know," Abby said as Carter reached over and wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye. "I don't want… I don't want to… I just can't…"

"We won't lose her." Carter said knowing that right now he needed to push all the things that he was feeling aside and be strong for Abby and Eryn right now.

Abby nodded in response words were caught in her throat and she just couldn't get anything out.

Carter moved so that he could have one arm around Abby resting the other one near Eryn as if he was holding them both right now. They spent the next several hours together as a family.

6 am rolled around and the time had come for Eryn to be taken to the OR. Abby just didn't want to let go of Eryn. Putting her down was the hardest thing that she had every done and she couldn't help but let the tears fall as the small incubator that held her darling daughter rolled down the hallway and out of sight.

Carter held onto her letting her cry on his shoulder before he started to move her down the hallway. The surgery would be long and hard on all of them. The worst part of all of it was that he knew that they were going to be putting his daughter's heart into cardiac arrest to put her on bypass to perform the surgery. God willing when it was over and done it would start again.

He took Abby down to get something to eat, it was going to be a long day for both of them and even if she didn't want to he knew she needed something that resembled food. Then he took her up on the roof for a break from the inside, a pager tucked into his jacket just in case they needed to reach them, hopefully it didn't go off.

About 10:30 they headed back to the waiting room just outside the NICU. Abby sat down in a chair, very restless and very worried. The time seemed to be ticking away ever so slowly and with there being no word from the OR yet she didn't know if that meant that everything was going okay or if there were problems and they couldn't get away to update them.

Noon came and went and still nothing, no doctor no update. She was pacing now rather than sitting from the anxiety that was building up inside her. Carter watched and tried his best to comfort and reassure her, but right now that was the last thing that Abby wanted. What her heart wanted and needed was something letting her know that everything was okay. Anything to ease the chill, this uneasy feeling that she had.

Finally, seven hours later Dr. Winters appeared in the waiting room. Abby, who had finally managed to sit down about jumped out of the chair when she saw him. This had to be good news. Her patience had worn thin right now and her nerves were as raw as they could be as she bounced her knees waiting for him to get to her.

When he reached them Abby stood up, "how is she?"

"She's doing okay." He said, "we had some trouble when we got in there but things now are on the upswing, she's a fighter and is pulling through for us."

"Trouble?" Abby didn't know if she wanted an answer to that.

"We ran into something that we didn't expect that's all." He said, "so the surgery took a little longer than we expected. But Dr. Wright is closing now and we should have her back in the NICU in a half hour, so you should be able to see her within the hour."

Relief washed over Abby, they had made it through this. The first giant hurdle had been over come and they were on the road to the first recovery period and in a little bit Abby would be able to be with her baby girl again. She grabbed onto Carter hugging him close to her right now, "she made it John, and she really is a little fighter."

"That's our girl." He said as he shook the doctor's hand thanking him for bringing them the news and for taking care of their little girl as well as he had been.

While Abby was relieved that the surgery was over and that things had gone well she wouldn't be at ease until she was able to lay her eyes on Eryn once again and see for herself that all was well. The road ahead of them nipped at the back of her mind, everything that could go wrong in the next 24 hours was still ahead of them. Eryn had made it through a very difficult and trying surgery, could she make it through the next hours and days following it.

"It's going to be okay." Carter said hugging her softy as he realized just how quiet she had become, "why don't we go and grab a cup of coffee while we wait, we have at least another half hour before we can see her, that's enough time to run down get something and come back before she gets back."

Abby nodded, "yeah okay."

Carter took started walking with his arm still holding onto her; while the giant waiting game was over they still had to be patient. Soon enough his little family would be back together again.


	13. The Sight Before My Eyes

**Chapter 13: The sight before my eyes**

Neither of them where prepared for what they saw when they were allowed to enter the NICU, she had just come back from surgery and the nurses were around her. Eryn was a jumble of tubes and wires, there were twice as many as when she had been taken down to surgery, more IV's and drain tubes and her little chest had been left open from the surgery covered in and wrapped with gauze.

Her face was swollen as well as her hand and feet. She didn't look like the same baby, her color was almost a dusky grey now and Abby, while relieved to see her, was almost scared now. She couldn't get close to her right now because of the flurry of activity that was surrounding her.

She was on the vent again, that was to be expected, that part of the whole mess was what she was expecting to see and it was the rest of it that had her on edge. Eryn was heavily sedated so that her heart and lungs could heal and that would take time.

Carter held onto her while they watched the nurses' work, right now it was the only thing that they could do. It took every ounce of strength that Abby had inside her not to run over there and push someone out of the way so that she could be near her daughter again.

Finally they moved back so that there was a space where Abby could fit in. "You can come over now mom." She heard one of them say and Abby didn't have to be told twice that she could go. In the blink of an eye she had pulled away from Carter and was at the bedside.

"There's momma's girl." She said softly wanting to touch Eryn but yet almost afraid to with as frail and fragile as she looked. "Yeah momma's right here."

"You can touch her." One of the nurses' that was standing there said to her. Abby just gave her this deer in the headlight look. "It's okay you won't hurt her. She looks worse than she really is."

Those words were not overly reassuring to Abby's ears as she gingerly reached out her hand to touch Eryn's now. There wasn't much that she could do other than be by the bedside once again. She couldn't hold her, comfort her, she couldn't make things better for Eryn that Eryn was going to have to do on her own. It was a waiting game that Abby didn't want to play but knew that she had to.

Carter moved to stand behind Abby to be supportive but so that he could be near Eryn as well, while they sight of his daughter in the shape that she was in was a little unnerving to him as well he had expected almost as much when they walked in. "hey baby." He said softly now one arm around Abby the other touching the baby's leg. She looked so fragile and beaten up right now but he knew that in time that would pass and she would look like the little girl she had before all of this had taken place.

There was near silence in the room now as the nurses' finished making sure that everything had gotten moved, all her IV's were where they were supposed to be, that the monitor cables were all hooked up. One nurse was stationed to just take care of Eryn and it was one that Abby was familiar with and had spent many hours talking to over the time that they had been in the NICU.

Carter and Abby stood there for a long time before Carter had to leave again. But he would just be downstairs and if Abby needed anything he was a page away and would be right back. Abby pulled up a chair and sat down next to the baby's bed now.

"She's a fighter Abby." Rebecca said to her now.

"That she is." Abby gave her something that resembled a smile.

"If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me okay?"

"I will." Abby said as she sat there in silence now watching her baby girl.

"Dr. Winters is going to be doing rounds in about an hour so if there's anything that you want to ask him, you'll have a chance."

"Thanks Rebecca." Abby said not wanting to actually carry on a conversation but it seemed to make the time a little more bearable.

The rest of the afternoon seemed to almost fly by and it was evening before she knew it. The surgery and moving her had taken up several hours and it had been almost three before they were able to be in there with her and now here it was almost seven in the evening. Dr Winters had made his rounds and Abby really didn't have any questions for him. She was just relieved that the baby was doing okay after everything, critical but okay, the next 72 hours would be the most dangerous of all. If she could make it through those she had a very good chance, however beating the odds of a forty percent chance of coming through the operation itself was very promising.

"Abby honey," Rebecca said putting her hand on Abby's back now, "why don't you go lay down in the residents room." Any other parent she would have suggested go home, but Abby hadn't left the hospital in weeks and right now Rebecca knew she wouldn't leave, "you've had a long day and I'll be right here with her for the next several hours."

"I don't know Rebecca." Abby really didn't want to leave.

"I can come and get you if anything in the slightest changes or have someone come and get you."

"You promise that you will, even if it's the littlest thing."

Rebecca gave Abby a soft smile, "if you promise to try and get some sleep. You won't do anyone any good if you wear yourself out and end up in the hospital."

Abby sighed softly but she knew that Rebecca was right. "Okay I know you're right, but don't let that go to your head." She was trying to break some of the tension that was in the air.

"Will Dr. Carter be coming up?" Rebecca asked as she watched Abby reluctantly get up out of the chair that she had been glued into.

Abby rubbed her face now, "I'm sure that he will be up when he gets a break." She said softly now as she fought to pull herself away. "He's in the ER working but will be up if he gets a chance, will you tell him where I am at?"

"Of course I will. Go on now get some sleep, a shower, maybe something to eat. I know you don't want to admit it, but she's in good hands with me. I'll get you if you are needed."

Abby just shook her head, "alright I'm going but don't think that I am going to let you be this bossy all the time."

"Don't worry I won't think that." She said, "but you know us, we worry about you."

"I know." And with that Abby moved from where Rebecca was out into the hallway. Rebecca was right Abby was beat, probably smelly and could use even the smallest of naps. With heavy steps she walked down the hallway and towards the resident's room to catch a nap. Normally she would have been expected to sleep in the parents room, but working there she was able to pull a few perks and have a real bed to sleep on rather than a cot granted it was small and a bunk bed, which someone would be crashing in during the night but it wasn't a pull out cot in a room that contained a bunch of other anxious parents.

Abby kicked off her shoes and curled up on the bed once inside it wasn't like they wouldn't come and get her if she was needed and right now she needed to keep up her strength so that she could be there if the baby needed her. But for now everything was well on the home front and hopefully it would stay that way so that she could get some sleep.


	14. Healing Hearts

_A/N: I know that the chapters are kind of short, sorry about that and for the delay in the updates I really wanted to update this one sooner but a certain child had other plans for his mother other than writing. But thanks to everyone whose taken the time to review they are greatly appreciated, so please keep them coming. _**  
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**Chapter 14: Healing Hearts**

Abby managed to get some sleep that night, mostly from being exhausted from being up the night before and up all day with the baby. She had been almost afraid to go to sleep last night and yet tonight even with all her apprehensions she knew that Eryn was in good hands with the staff in the NICU, most off all she trusted Rebecca.

Trust was not something that you gave easily, especially when it came to your child. For Eryn was more precious to Abby now than anything else in her life. She would gladly trade her own for that of her daughter.

She woke up about 3 am with this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, surely if something had happened someone would have come and gotten her. Her first thought was to run to Eryn in the NICU but one whiff of herself changed her mind. She headed in and took a shower and brushed her teeth taking no time in lingering in the hot water, the longer she was awake the more that unmistakable feeling pulled at her.

She didn't have a change of clothes with her so she borrowed scrubs from the closet and not taking the time to grab a cup of coffee she headed for the NICU. There in the dimly lit room was Eryn laying on the baby warmer/bed with Rebecca keeping vigil by her side, just as she told Abby she would.

"You're up early." Rebecca said recognizing the outline of Eryn's mother standing there watching them both.

"I couldn't sleep anymore." Abby said as she took a couple of steps closer towards the baby and her nurse. "Thought that I would come and just check."

"I understand." Rebecca said giving her that soft smile of hers, "she's doing fairly well." She knew that Abby would want an update on her daughter so that's what she started to do, that and it made something of conversation for them. "She's still pretty touch and go, but as of right now it looks okay."

"Just okay." Abby said as she reached down and touched the baby's hand.

"Dr. Winters was here about an hour ago and so was Dr. Simmons, they are going to be coming back in about an hour." She said not taking her eyes off what she was doing right now, "Eryn's output is not what we would like to see and she's not getting the oxygen that we would like her to either right now. They've made some minor adjustments and if her output doesn't improve they are going to call in the pediatric urologist to take a look at her."

"That doesn't sound good." Abby replied.

"Well it's not good, but it's not bad either." Rebecca said to her now. "It's a balancing act with these little ones and sometimes what we try on the first attempt isn't what they like, it's just a matter of finding what works for Eryn."

"I know," Abby said with a sigh. She just wanted things to be okay, that was really all she wanted and she knew how fragile such small lives were but right now it was all up to Eryn on how she recovered and how fast she recovered.

When Rebecca finished writing she looked over at Abby, "do you want to get some coffee and something to eat or would you like me to pull a chair over for you?"

"A chair would be nice." Abby said running her hands through her hair.

Rebecca moved over to pull another chair over for Abby to sit in as they both started in on a long Eryn vigil. While Rebecca's shift would be over in a few hours, Abby would be left there sitting with her daughter watching the shifts change and people come and go.

"Dr. Winters should be here soon." Rebecca said patting Abby's hand. "I know it's hard to sit and wait but right now that's the best that we can do. She knows you're here with her and that helps."

"You're right." Abby said running out of things to say, answers when people told her that. She didn't know how many more times she could take being told that they had to wait and see, that time was not only on their side but an enemy as well.

This was something that you thought only happened to other people and their children, not something that would ever happen to one of your own. You held them close to your heart never wanting them to stray far and god forbid anything every happened to them, because once you had them, held them in yours arms with out them there you were lost. Yet lost was how Abby felt right now. Her daughter laid there where she could see her and touch her but yet there was still that longing in her arms that only holding Eryn could satisfy.

She thought about her life before her little girl and it seemed now to be lacking that something had been missing that this child managed to bring her. She knew in her heart what that was, it was the unconditional love that only a child could give to you, even this small that was the one thing that she knew she had Eryn's unconditional love. The same love that she felt for her, for no matter what happened or what Eryn did in her life, the one thing, the one simple thing that would always be there was the love that Abby as her mother felt for her and could give to her.

She watched now the tiny rise and fall with each burst of air that went into Eryn's chest, the constant beep of the monitor as her heart rate and her oxygen levels were monitored. The sounds of the NICU had become their lullabies, not the one that Abby would have chosen, but it was theirs still the same.

"Abby I brought you some coffee." A voice from behind her pulled her attention away from her thoughts. She turned to see Susan standing there in the night light of the NICU.

"Thanks," she said with her tired smile, that was the smile that would be on her face from now until Eryn turned 18 and then it probably still would be there. For Abby knew that you never stopped worrying about them.

"How are you doing?" Susan asked, she could clearly see how the baby was doing and she had popped into the NICU once before. Carter had been giving them regular updates on the baby when he was working. She looked as horrible as he did, the time in the hospital starting to take it's toll on both of them.

Having a child in the NICU was never as easy thing. The constant worry and short nights slowly wore away at you. Susan knew that neither Carter nor Abby had left the hospital in days and probably would be there for several more depending on how Eryn did no one there had been able to convince them to do otherwise and they all knew that arguing with them wouldn't get anyone anywhere.

"I'm doing okay." Abby answered as honestly as she could.

"Do you want me to bring you anything?" Susan asked sympathetic of her friends needs, "maybe a change of clothes from your apartment, some non hospital food?"

Abby looked at her for a minute, "clothes would be nice." She said as she looked down at the borrowed scrubs that she was wearing. "I forgot to ask Carter to."

"It's okay I can do it for you." Susan said giving her a smile.

They both walked over to the nurses' station, Abby could still see Eryn there but they could sit down and talk and Abby could have her cup of coffee there.

"I really appreciate that." Abby said taking a sip of the burning hot liquid.

"I know you do. Have you gotten any sleep?" There was a hint of concern in Susan's voice that she tried unsuccessfully to hide.

"A little," Abby said, "I laid down around 7 or 8 and slept until about 3 or so."

That was better than the answer that Susan was expecting from Abby and it gave her some relief to know that Abby was at least getting some rest. "That's good." Susan said, "I thought I'd come and see you on my break."

"Carter working?" It was easy to lose track of time when you were there, everything seemed to blur together for time either passed very slowly or it went to fast depending on what you were hoping for.

"No he's asleep in an exam room." She said, "I made him take a nap he looked horrible when he came on."

"I appreciate that too Susan." Abby replied, "I don't need to be worrying about him too."

"That you don't have to." Susan laughed softly, "there's an entire ER down there that is doing that for you, don't worry Abs, well take good care of Carter, you just need to take care of you. I can't keep an eagle eye on you when you're up here."

Abby couldn't help but roll her eyes at that one. "Don't worry Susan I am taking good care of myself and I'm sure that Rebecca won't let me get to run down. As long as she's around at night I might take a few more cat naps depending on what Miss Eryn decides to do."

Susan stood up to leave now as her break was nearly over. "I know you will Abby." Susan said, "I'd better get back down there so Carter can keep taking his nap and no one bug him for anything. And I'll send him up with something that you both can eat for breakfast when his shifts over."

"Thanks Susan." Abby said as she watched her friend leaving the NICU and she returned to her spot next to Eryn. Abby was anxious for the doctors to do rounds so that she could have a clearer picture of what was going on with Eryn.


	15. My Miracle Child

_A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, they are greatly appreciated, I love the feedback. Here's the next update to Proverbial Onion, although the name doens't fit the story anymore really. But please as always read and review, let me know what you think._**  
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**Chapter 15: My miracle munchkin**

Hours passed, the first 24 hours were behind them now and most importantly Eryn was still with them. Yet with every step forward they took it seemed almost as if they were knock back once again by something else that was unforeseen. When they said that infants could turn south on a dime, they weren't joking. They would get her oxygenating better only to have her develop an arrhythmia. They would get that balanced out and then they would run into fluid overload. The fluid overload would cause an electrolyte imbalance throwing her rhythm back off again. They would sail smoothly for 20 minutes and her pressure would crash. The urologist was called in to help with the kidney trouble they were facing. Abby spent more time pacing during that first 24 hours than she had the entire time she had been there.

This was an emotional rollercoaster, ups and down, being blindsided into thinking that everything was okay to get your hopes up that everything was okay just to have the rug yanked out from underneath you five minutes later. Abby had the willpower to survive this; she just needed Eryn to have the will to survive the ride.

They were well into the next 24 hour period trying to get to the 48 hour mark so that things would look even better, putting the odds more into their favor. Abby didn't leave the NICU as the hour grew later and later and the clock passed midnight. She now sat glued to the chair the one that she had been glued to once things started to settle down. Eryn had not had anything that resembled a crisis now for almost 2 hours. Which Abby was more than thankful for, each minute that passed where the baby before her wasn't setting off an alarm sending nurses and doctors scrambling for solutions was one more that she could be thankful for.

She curled her legs under her the best that she could with out falling off the stool that she was perched on, chairs, well the NICU didn't have real chairs they had this stools that were high enough that you could see into the baby warmers but if you weren't careful getting into them to sit could be quite the challenge and Dr. Winters had laughed at poor Abby more than once, not to be mean but to break the tension. He had even walked by picked her up and sat her on the stool rather than watch her struggled to do the combined leap/jump with out in rolling away from you approach.

"Good morning Abby." He said as he approached the baby once more to do a short bit of rounds before going and catching his much needed cat nap before one of his many charges decided that he didn't need it. "She's doing good." He told her as he examined the baby. "You should get some sleep."

"I'd like to stay longer." Abby answered not even making an attempt to move.

"I know." He said amazed at the dedication she had for sitting there with her child. "But you know wearing yourself…

"out isn't going to do anyone any good least of all Eryn." She finished the sentence for him, "I know the story doc. I'll lay down in a little bit, besides you snore."

He laughed at that one, "okay but you have to lay down soon." He said as he walked away, "promise?"

"Promise," Abby said to his retreating form, making a promise she hoped she could keep. Her head floated down not towards the counter where the nurses wrote chart notes, her chin resting on her crossed arms laying so that she could still see Eryn but so that she was in essence taking a cat nap with both eyes open.

"That's to freaky." Carter said as he walked up behind her wrapping her arms around her small waist. "How can anyone sleep with their eyes open?"

"Talent." She replied, "what are you doing up here, I thought you'd either be working or that they would have you hog tied down to a bed to sleep."

"Nah, nothing can keep my away from my two favorite women." He said kissing the top of her head now, "granted Susan was really trying."

"I see that you have both your arms and legs so you didn't have to gnaw anything off to get away." She said, "Susan must not have been trying very hard."

Carter let out a soft laugh, "you could say that. How you doing, you look exhausted why don't you go and lay down."

"You're the second person who has told me that in the half hour." Abby replied back to him. "I'm fine I was resting."

"Let's go get you some hot tea." Carter said, "I know there's some in the lounge up here so we won't have to go very far. I'm sure that Rebecca won't mind watching Eryn for us."

"I don't know John." Abby said reluctant to leave.

"Go on Miss Abby." Rebecca said as she crossed the room, "I'm right here and I'll send someone if needs be."

Abby looked at Carter and then at Rebecca knowing she had just been double teamed and the answer no was not going to be taken from either one of them right now. "Okay," she said throwing her arms up in the air a little bit, "you two are evil ya know that?"

"That we are, now go on get some tea," Rebecca said looking at Carter and giving him a smile, he often snuck in there while Abby was sleeping but she wasn't going to be the one to reveal his little secrete. That baby girl had her daddy wrapped around her finger already.

"I'm going," Abby said giving the both looks, "come on." She hopped down off the stool and wrapped an arm around Carter as the headed out of the NICU. "How's things in the ER?"

"Slowing down I think." Carter answered her as the walked along. He pushed the door open to the lounge for her before guiding her inside. He filled up a cup with hot water and dipped the tea bag into it as he filled up a coffee cup for himself. "Let's get some air."

"You said lounge." Abby protested.

"Yeah, I did and we are here, come on let's get some air." He handed her the tea and slipped his arm back around her. Amid Abby's protests he continued to lead her up to the roof so that they could slip outside in the quiet of the early morning and enjoy some quiet time. Knowing that she didn't want to be away from the baby for long, he'd make this a short trip but he knew that staying inside all the time wasn't good for her either.

She stood there looking out over the city skyline sipping at her drink. "Peaceful up here right now." She said ever so quietly almost afraid to shatter the serenity with her voice.

"That it is." He said pulling her close to him just holding onto her and savoring the moment. "I thought you wouldn't mind five minutes of down time." He let go of her and handed over the smokes that he had hidden in his pocket.

She took one from him, "I shouldn't be doing this."

"I know," he smiled softly at her, "but enjoy it while you can." He said, "once Eryn's home you won't be sneaking outside for anything." He grinned at her, knowing that she hadn't the entire time she was pregnant, but stress made bad habits come back fairly quickly, and out of all the ones that she could have picked up, this one the lesser of the evils.

"Once she's home it won't be so stressful." Abby said.

"Oh no that's when all the stress really begins." He said, "you and me we will have 24 hour diaper duty." Thinking of the future that they were going to have right now brought nothing but a smile to his face and he hoped that in doing the same she would feel better about things. "I know it's hard right now to picture with everything, but soon it's going to be just the three of us." His glanced moved from looking over the city to looking at Abby. "Diapers, late night feedings, walking, talking, school, boyfriends, broken hearts." He grinned a little more now, "boyfriends, then we really hit the stress."

"No one good enough for Daddy's little girl." Abby replied gently poking him in the side.

"You got it." He said smiling down at her hugging her once more close to him. "In the blink of an eye she'll be all grown up. I know it's not like we are home and can do things like we thought but she's still my miracle girl no matter what."

"That she is." Abby said, "I feel the same way. I believe…" she said, "I have to believe that everything is going to be okay, otherwise I would go nuts in there."

"I know, I think the same way." He kissed the top of her head again, "and it all will be. She's getting stronger every hour, a little better in her own baby steps way. I know that it seems like we are on this never-ending road that just keeps going uphill, soon we'll level out and it will be smoother sailing. We can enjoy the parenthood that we have right now cause we'll never get it back again."

"You are more right than I ever think you have been." She said holding onto him now as the two of them watched the sun begin to rise over Chicago. Things would get better it was hope and faith that would get them through this, while at times they might have both felt completely alone, they would always have each other.


	16. Finally A Family

**Chapter 16: Finally a family**

Three months of ups and downs in the NICU, the hours spent pacing, worrying, wondering were now coming to an end. Eryn was strong now and weighted in at a whopping 8 pounds, now Carter and Abby both knew that for an infant of Eryn's age she was small, at 4 months old she should have been more than that, but for someone who had gone through as much as she had hitting the 8 pound mark was a joyous occasion.

Carter had brought the car seat up to the NICU and they were all gathered around as Abby was very carefully putting her baby girl into the clothes that she would leave the hospital for the very first time in. She smiled now as she got the dress on her, it was pink. Abby never thought that she would be the kind of mother who dressed her daughter in nothing but pink but right now that was what she was doing.

"About ready." Carter said as he now stood beside Abby taking one of Eryn's hands into his, "daddy's girl ready to go home?"

Abby had this frustrated smile on her face now as she was losing the battle of the tights. "Oh my god who invented these things." She said one of Eryn's feet now in her hand the other one protesting what her mother was attempting to do.

"I didn't do it," Carter said with a small laugh as he looked between Abby and Eryn. "Let mommy put those on you baby girl so we can go home."

Even her father's words didn't seem to phase the little girl who refused to hold her legs still and didn't appreciate the fact that her mother had a hold of one of her feet which were finally free from under the blankets.

Abby fought with Eryn trying every way that she could think of to get those little feet into those little tights, my god everything was so small and it just seemed that with how small they were it wasn't going to work.

"Are these really going to fit onto her, they look like they are too small." Abby said about ready to give up.

Rebecca had come up behind her. "Here," she said with a smile, "and yes they will fit you just have to know how to do it. And you will have plenty of time to practice."

Abby watched in amazement as Rebecca slipped the tights with a fraction of the trouble that Abby had been having the baby smiling up at her as if she knew she had just been handed over to someone whom she could not outsmart. Abby just had to shake her head.

"I'm going to miss you little one." Rebecca said, "but at the same time I am happy to see you getting to go home. You belong with your mommy and daddy in your own bed so that mommy actually sees the inside of her house again."

Abby knew that was a small jab at her but right now wasn't going to complain. She pulled out the camera and motioned for Carter to go stand with Rebecca. "One for Eryn was she's bigger, so that we can tell her about the nurse who could always out smart her antics." Abby smiled.

One of the other NICU nurses came up behind her, "no you get in it too Abby." She said with a smile as she took the camera from Abby and looked at the four of them. Abby, Carter, Eryn and Rebecca all had smiles upon their faces. Abby handed Eryn to Carter to put into the car seat before she hugged Rebecca.

"You have been my best friend these past few months. Thank you for everything you have done for us Rebecca." She said.

"Taking care of the babies is only half of our jobs." She said with a smile, "when a baby is in the NICU you need to take care of the whole family."

Abby smiled from behind wet eyes, "you are wonderful at your job."

Rebecca now hugged Carter. "Yeah and I am going to miss those late night sneaking up here bribing me with latte's to keep me quiet as if Abby didn't know." Rebecca said softly, "you two are going to be missed so don't be afraid to drop in every now and then and say hi and we expect pictures of our baby princess there." Rebecca tickled one of Eryn's feet now. "Oh she needs one more thing."

"What's that?" Abby asked as she watched.

"This." Rebecca smiled as she put a small pink bow onto Eryn's head, once again held into place with a thin layer of Vaseline. "That and this." She held out a small little teddy bear. "We wanted her to have it, all of her nurses that is."

"You shouldn't have." Abby said with a smile giving Rebecca another hug.

"You take care of yourself," Rebecca looked at them all now, "and you little missy." She reached down for little Eryn's hand now, "you behave for you momma and your daddy."

Abby had to smile as she watched Carter pick up the car seat; they were going home finally they would all be together under one roof. For the last time they waited while the code was entered into the NICU door and then the three of them headed for home.

When they reached the car, Carter ever so diligently made sure that the baby was firmly secured in the car. He looked over at Abby who had gotten into the front seat and was looking back at them. She had those tears still in her eyes. "I never thought we'd be doing this." He said softly as he moved around to get into the car himself.

"Neither did I." She answered back just as soft as his voice had been. She waited now until they had started the drive home, "I'm happy, really, really happy." She had to wipe the tears from underneath her eyes.

Carter didn't want to take his eyes of the road, right now but with one had reached over and touched Abby's leg. "I know." He said, "I am too."

It didn't take them long to make the trip to the house. Taking Eryn inside for the first time, everything felt so weird and off for a moment. There were no nurses around, no one constantly monitoring the baby. She was making soft gurgling noises from the car seat. Once Carter had set her down, Abby moved over and gently undid the restraints and carefully took her from there holding onto her as she moved over towards the couch.

The three of them sat there, Carter and Abby just smiling at Eryn, both a little unsure of what to do, after several months in the NICU this was foreign territory for them. They were on there own now when it came to taking care of Eryn. It seemed a little overwhelming there for a minute, while they might have not have come home with a newborn infant, to them this was almost the same thing. New parents embarking on what would be a long journey filled with happiness, heartache, the good and the bad, long nights, and constant worry but they were both looking forward to the journey.


	17. Eryn

**Chapter 17: Eryn**

The innocence of a child, something that one it was gone was something that could never be replace. That innocence has bewildered my parents and awed them, for it is something that as adults we have lost, never to get it back again. We are formed by those hardships in which we endure, our struggles alone the path that we have chosen to take, yet it's that innocence that we always try to recapture.

County was a haven for Chicago's sickest and it's most needy, a place of refuge where those in need of medical attention could turn with out fear of being turned away because of the status that they had been resigned to, some by choice others by forces that always seemed to be just outside of their control.

Many were drunks, having learned to be dependent on alcohol, it's bitter burning sensation easing the suffering that they had seemed to be facing, chasing away demons, at least while they were under it's hard effects. Odds were if they looked drunk and they smelled drunk then they were a drunk, but what you didn't know was the reason that they were a drunk. The bad part was that working in the ER, ninety-five percent of the time you didn't have time to get to the bottom of why a drunk was a drunk.

Yet that wasn't the worst part of the job. No where in all your studying, the hours that you spend pouring over books and practicing your skills does it ever say once you are in the real world of medicine be prepared, expect the unexpected. It does not say that you will be hit, you will be puked on, that you will be sworn at, that you will have every body fluid known to the medical community at one time come flying at you either by accident or by sheer will. Mankind has never been kind to each other and that certainly held true here.

It was that part of the job that they had hid so well from me, the part that I never with all my adventures or misadventures in the ER had I ever once seen those things happen. I can't say that I led a sheltered life, yes there for a long time, I was overprotected by my parents, but hard as they tried, I still managed to find more than my fair share of trouble.

I had been here a week, felt like an eternity but in reality it had only been a week. 12 hour shifts that seemed once they started the clock stood still for as long as it could, minutes passing felt like hours and no matter how hard or fast you worked, you could never deal with everything that came walking, running or pushed through the doors.

Someone once asked my why I chose medicine for my career. I was bright that was never a doubt. I honestly believe it was because that's what I was raised around, nothing but medicine, for you see my mother was a doctor, my father was a doctor and I felt that it was my turn to continue on making yet another member of the family a physician. While I think that they would have preferred that I had taken up law or perhaps gone into some form of business rather than follow in their footsteps I know that the both could tell that this was something that I rather enjoyed. But I think that they always feared that the stress would be to much for me to handle, they were over protective from the get go.

Growing up I had spent countless hours on a couch in the lounge, being entertained or watched over by members of the staff, often a nurse who was coming off shift while I waited for one parent or the other to finish up their work. Sometimes I would sneak off from my hiding place and go into rooms that I know that I shouldn't have, all to satisfy my curiosity of what it was that they exactly did in this giant sterile place.

And I can honestly say that here I had my greatest adventures, met people, some a person of my age at the time shouldn't have been meeting but I did. There were times that I know my parents wanted to kill the desk clerk. Jerry was my favorite cause he'd plop me up on one of the giant chairs and set a book with all kinds of pictures in it for me to look at, and if it wasn't terribly busy, he'd usually end up pointing things out. Or he'd say Eryn watch the desk while I run next door quick. He'd go off to get something to eat, and I'd usually end up with some kind of gooey treat.

I had this tendency to rather wander off and explore on my own with out an adult keeping an eagle eye on my and I would usually end up being caught by a nurse, Chuny or Haleh was usually the one that would grab and scoop me up telling me that this was not the place for a youngster to be, that I was seeing things that I shouldn't be seeing. Often followed by a "your mom or dad will be done shortly, go wait in the lounge for them." Or I would be taken off to have a cookie, juice, what ever they could find in the lounge to occupy me with and of course wire me up so that my parents were miserable for a few hours until the sugar high wore off.

So why am I tell you this, well you see my name is Eryn, Eryn Elizabeth Carter. My mother is Abby Lockhart, she didn't change it when she married my dad because well by the time they got around to it she was already a doctor and she just didn't. And I am very proud of my mother for all she accomplished. She raised me and managed to finish her residency. Now I know that couldn't have been easy for her. I still have the small remnants of the scars running down the center of my chest. I know that I was really sick growing up, yet she was the one who always took care of me and I hope that I can be half the woman that she was someday.

My dad is John Carter who after I was born became an attending at the hospital where I was now beginning my medical training. I'm the second generation to work at County and that in itself was something that I was very proud of. And I know that both of them are very proud of me. You can see it in my parents eyes when the look at me, and of course right now both of them are sitting in the lounge waiting and wondering what today will have in store for me. While I might have grown up, to them I will forever and always be their innocent baby girl.

A/N: Thanks for reading this and I hoped that you enjoyed it, but alas all good things must come to an end and this is the end of this one. Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the story and that those reviews were much appreciated.


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